Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the potential benefits and drawbacks of including more local and regional history in school curricula. How does studying local history connect students to their communities?
School curriculum is a major source of driving the students' learning. Therefore, some schools deliberately add local and regional history in their syllabus, so students can learn about their communities and grow closer to them. While this act offers msny benefits, it has its disadvantages as well. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, and that how learning about their history can make students more connected with their hometowns.
The first advantage of including regional history in school syllabus is that by knowing about their hometowns kids can bond on a deeper level with their community. In other words, they will develop a sense of belonging and loyalty towards their people. Furthermore, learning about their roots could teach the children how to love, respect, and protect their towns and their fellow inhabitants. Another benefit of teaching children about their local history is the development of self-esteem. If the youth are instilled with the realization that they have a strong support of their fellow community members, it could give them the much-needed confidence boost to move into the world. Because of these reasons, teaching pupils about their local history in educational institutions can prove to be a great idea.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of this addition as well. Firstly, focusing on regional history only, or for the most part, can limit the knowledge of the children. If all that the students learn about is the creation of their hometowns and the crisis they faced, they would not have the time to learn about the history of their country, or the world, which is crucial for academic growth of the kids. Other than that, another disadvantage of this practice is students growing so attached to their homes that they start to hold them back. No matter how happy a person is in his hometown, at a certain point in life, he has to move out into the world, for educational or professional purposes, and this transition is important for personal growth. Having said that, too much attachement with the roots can be unhealthy and self-destructive for a child, so much so that he can refuse to leave the nest and explore the rest of the world. Taking into account these cons, making local history the main focus of the syllabus does not appear to be a good idea.
To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages of including regional history in school curriculum. What is needed is to strike the right balance and having a broad and wide-ranging syllabus in institutions, which includes the local history along with national and international history. This can grow the attachement of the students, but no to the level of an unhealthy obsession.
The first advantage of including regional history in school syllabus is that by knowing about their hometowns kids can bond on a deeper level with their community. In other words, they will develop a sense of belonging and loyalty towards their people. Furthermore, learning about their roots could teach the children how to love, respect, and protect their towns and their fellow inhabitants. Another benefit of teaching children about their local history is the development of self-esteem. If the youth are instilled with the realization that they have a strong support of their fellow community members, it could give them the much-needed confidence boost to move into the world. Because of these reasons, teaching pupils about their local history in educational institutions can prove to be a great idea.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of this addition as well. Firstly, focusing on regional history only, or for the most part, can limit the knowledge of the children. If all that the students learn about is the creation of their hometowns and the crisis they faced, they would not have the time to learn about the history of their country, or the world, which is crucial for academic growth of the kids. Other than that, another disadvantage of this practice is students growing so attached to their homes that they start to hold them back. No matter how happy a person is in his hometown, at a certain point in life, he has to move out into the world, for educational or professional purposes, and this transition is important for personal growth. Having said that, too much attachement with the roots can be unhealthy and self-destructive for a child, so much so that he can refuse to leave the nest and explore the rest of the world. Taking into account these cons, making local history the main focus of the syllabus does not appear to be a good idea.
To sum up, there are both advantages and disadvantages of including regional history in school curriculum. What is needed is to strike the right balance and having a broad and wide-ranging syllabus in institutions, which includes the local history along with national and international history. This can grow the attachement of the students, but no to the level of an unhealthy obsession.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 10:16 PM
Overall Evaluation
7.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing the potential benefits and drawbacks of including more local and regional history in school curricula. You have structured your essay well, with clear arguments for both sides followed by a reasoned conclusion. Your introduction sets up the topic effectively, and your conclusion successfully summarizes your arguments, suggesting a balanced approach to the curriculum. However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, watch out for minor typographical errors ('msny' should be 'many') and ensure your essay is thoroughly proofread. Secondly, to enhance your essay, you could include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, as this would make your arguments more convincing. Lastly, varying your sentence structure and vocabulary could help to make your writing more engaging and dynamic. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. With some refinement in terms of proofreading, detail, and language variety, your essay could achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with a balanced view on the benefits and drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points. Overall, the logical flow is coherent, earning a score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
Another benefit of teaching children about their local history is the development of self-esteem.
This sentence effectively introduces a new point, supporting the argument in a structured manner.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to explicitly link each advantage and disadvantage with a broader context or implication. This could involve comparing local history education with global history education more directly within each paragraph.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all distinct and serve their purposes well, meriting a score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of this addition as well.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing benefits to discussing drawbacks, maintaining clarity and structure.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, consider starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph’s main idea. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices, such as transitions and conjunctions, effectively connects ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for more varied devices to enhance cohesion further. Your current use earns a score of 7.0.
Good Sentence(s)
Furthermore, learning about their roots could teach the children how to love, respect, and protect their towns and their fellow inhabitants.
The use of 'Furthermore' effectively adds another point to the argument, enhancing the flow of ideas.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more synonyms for common connectors and using more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, to link ideas more subtly.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, indicating clearly whether the focus will be on benefits or drawbacks of including local and regional history in school curricula.
Good Sentence(s)
The first advantage of including regional history in school syllabus is that by knowing about their hometowns kids can bond on a deeper level with their community.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on the positive impacts of learning local history, specifically the development of a deeper community bond.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of this addition as well.
It clearly signals the shift to discussing the disadvantages, maintaining a balanced argument structure.
Suggestions
To further enhance your topic sentences, consider directly mentioning how these points relate to the broader question of connecting students to their communities. This will make your argument even more focused and impactful.
Counter Points
You have handled contrasting viewpoints effectively by dedicating separate paragraphs to discuss the benefits and drawbacks, which helps in maintaining a balanced discussion.
Good Sentence(s)
Other than that, another disadvantage of this practice is students growing so attached to their homes that they start to hold them back.
This sentence effectively introduces a nuanced counterpoint that adds depth to your argument by considering the potential negative impact of excessive local attachment.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, consider directly addressing potential rebuttals to your points within the paragraphs. This could involve acknowledging the importance of local history while also highlighting the necessity of a balanced curriculum.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a commendable job in addressing the task. Your essay presents a balanced view, discusses both benefits and drawbacks effectively, and connects the inclusion of local history to community engagement. To improve, consider adding more specific examples to support your points and ensure your conclusion makes a strong, decisive statement about your stance.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have effectively addressed the question by discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of including more local and regional history in school curricula. Your essay also touches on how this inclusion can connect students to their communities, fulfilling the task requirements.
Good example(s)
The first advantage of including regional history in school syllabus is that by knowing about their hometowns kids can bond on a deeper level with their community.
This sentence directly addresses the question by highlighting a clear benefit of including local history in the curriculum.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and presents a balanced view of the topic. You have successfully developed your position by discussing both sides of the argument, which strengthens your overall point.
Good example(s)
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of this addition as well.
This transition effectively introduces the counterargument, showing good development of your position.
Supporting Details
Your examples and explanations are relevant and support your argument well. However, incorporating specific historical examples or case studies could enhance your argument further.
Good example(s)
Furthermore, learning about their roots could teach the children how to love, respect, and protect their towns and their fellow inhabitants.
This detail supports the benefit of fostering community spirit and respect through local history education.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and suggests a balanced approach to including local history in the curriculum. However, it could be strengthened by a more decisive statement on the importance of balance.
Good example(s)
What is needed is to strike the right balance and having a broad and wide-ranging syllabus in institutions, which includes the local history along with national and international history.
This sentence effectively encapsulates your argument and provides a clear recommendation.
Lexical Resources
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying arguments and ideas. However, there's room for diversification of language to avoid repetition and to enhance the depth of your discussion. Incorporating more varied expressions and specific historical terms could enrich your essay further.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
history 9 times | past, heritage, legacy, chronicles |
community/communities 5 times | society, populace, townsfolk, inhabitants |
children 3 times | youth, pupils, students, youngsters |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| civic pride Pride in one's own community or city. | Pride in one's own community or city. |
| cultural identity The identity or feeling of belonging to a group based on one's culture. | The identity or feeling of belonging to a group based on one's culture. |
| parochialism A limited or narrow outlook, especially focused on a local area. | A limited or narrow outlook, especially focused on a local area. |
| cosmopolitan awareness Being aware of and appreciating cultures from around the world. | Being aware of and appreciating cultures from around the world. |
| ethnocentrism Evaluation of other cultures according to preconceptions originating in the standards and customs of one's own culture. | Evaluation of other cultures according to preconceptions originating in the standards and customs of one's own culture. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with only minor errors such as typographical mistakes and a slight negation error. These small issues do not significantly detract from the clarity or professionalism of your writing. Paying closer attention to spelling and the precise use of negations will further enhance your essay's quality.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences that contribute to a clear and engaging argument. The variation in sentence length and structure helps maintain reader interest and effectively conveys your points.
Good example(s)
Furthermore, learning about their roots could teach the children how to love, respect, and protect their towns and their fellow inhabitants.
This sentence effectively combines complex ideas with clear and concise language, showcasing an ability to convey more nuanced arguments in a single sentence.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses throughout the essay is consistent and correct, effectively supporting the discussion of both current practices and potential future implications without confusing the reader.
Good example(s)
If the youth are instilled with the realization that they have a strong support of their fellow community members, it could give them the much-needed confidence boost to move into the world.
This sentence demonstrates a good use of the conditional tense to discuss potential future benefits, which is appropriate for the speculative nature of the essay.
Grammatical Errors
msny benefits
Correction:
many benefits
many benefits
Typographical error that leads to a misspelled word.
attachement
Correction:
attachment
attachment
Misspelling of 'attachment'.
no to the level
Correction:
not to the level
not to the level
Incorrect negation usage; 'no' should be 'not' for correct grammatical structure.