Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the impact of advertising on unhealthy products, such as sugary snacks and beverages, on individuals' health choices. Should governments regulate such advertising?
In this modern era, people are mostly dependent on processed food. There are several impacts of promotional activities on unhygienic food like; sweet snacks and soft drinks on peoples' health choices. From my point of view, yes, government should regulate such TV commercials. This essay will discuss the negative side of the impact and also the reasons of regulations.
Nowadays, advertisements of junk foods have became very popular all over the world which mostly attract a greater number of young individuals. As a result, in their busy lives young people are intaking a lot of canned food as they do not have time to prepare their own meal. Moreover, by consuming these kind of food they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as; Cancer, obesity, diabetes etc. To protect the young generation from the mouthwatering junk food government should take necessary steps to lesser the commercials. The authority should set some rules against promoting and selling those products. For example, In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI. Furthermore, without the authorisation of BSTI no shops can s
However, a proper workout can help them to prevent the aforementioned diseases. Unfortunately, on the one hand taking junk food on the other hand, doing exercise will not give the proper result.
In conclusion, it is not easy for all people to control their eating habits. Additionally, processed food brands will not stop advertising their products on different platforms unless the Government force them to limit their promotional activities.
Nowadays, advertisements of junk foods have became very popular all over the world which mostly attract a greater number of young individuals. As a result, in their busy lives young people are intaking a lot of canned food as they do not have time to prepare their own meal. Moreover, by consuming these kind of food they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as; Cancer, obesity, diabetes etc. To protect the young generation from the mouthwatering junk food government should take necessary steps to lesser the commercials. The authority should set some rules against promoting and selling those products. For example, In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI. Furthermore, without the authorisation of BSTI no shops can s
However, a proper workout can help them to prevent the aforementioned diseases. Unfortunately, on the one hand taking junk food on the other hand, doing exercise will not give the proper result.
In conclusion, it is not easy for all people to control their eating habits. Additionally, processed food brands will not stop advertising their products on different platforms unless the Government force them to limit their promotional activities.
Submitted on January 20, 2024 at 3:41 PM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay addresses the critical issue of the impact of processed food advertisements on public health and the necessity for government regulation. You effectively highlight the popularity of junk food ads and their appeal to young individuals, leading to serious health issues. Your argument for government intervention to regulate these advertisements is clear and supported by the example of Bangladesh's BSTI regulation. However, your essay could be strengthened by expanding on the counterargument, particularly the role of personal responsibility and exercise in mitigating health risks, which is briefly mentioned but not fully explored. Additionally, ensuring your essay is complete and does not cut off abruptly will improve its coherence and effectiveness. Overall, your essay makes a compelling case for the need to regulate junk food advertisements to protect public health.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
6
Coherence & Cohesion
6 Bands
Your essay establishes a clear stance on the issue of government regulation of junk food advertisements. The introduction and conclusion are aligned with your thesis. However, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between ideas and paragraphs to guide the reader. Additionally, expanding on counterpoints with more depth and integrating them into your argument would enhance the essay's coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear stance and attempts to follow a logical structure, discussing the negative impacts of processed food advertisements and the need for government regulation. However, the development of ideas could be more cohesive, with a stronger link between sections.
Good Sentence(s)
Moreover, by consuming these kind of food they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as; Cancer, obesity, diabetes etc.
This sentence effectively highlights the consequences of consuming processed foods, contributing to the essay's argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
For example, In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI.
Corrected Sentence:
For example, in Bangladesh, every processed food is checked by BSTI.
For example, in Bangladesh, every processed food is checked by BSTI.
Clarify and correct the grammatical errors for better understanding.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points in the introduction, develop each point in its own paragraph, and use transitional phrases to link ideas. Conclude by summarizing your argument and restating the importance of the issue.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and focus on specific aspects of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more developed with additional examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
However, a proper workout can help them to prevent the aforementioned diseases. Unfortunately, on the one hand taking junk food on the other hand, doing exercise will not give the proper result.
Corrected Sentence:
However, while proper exercise can help mitigate some health risks, relying solely on physical activity without addressing dietary habits is ineffective.
However, while proper exercise can help mitigate some health risks, relying solely on physical activity without addressing dietary habits is ineffective.
This paragraph lacks clarity and coherence. Consider expanding on the idea and using clearer transitions.
Suggestions
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and use clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next with transitional phrases. Expand your ideas with examples or data for clearer argumentation.
Cohesive Devices
You've made some use of cohesive devices, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and effectiveness. Some sentences could benefit from better transition words to link ideas more smoothly.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transitions, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'consequently'. Use them to clearly show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the discussion points well, but they could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Good Sentence(s)
Nowadays, advertisements of junk foods have became very popular all over the world which mostly attract a greater number of young individuals.
This sentence effectively introduces the issue of junk food advertisements targeting young people.
Bad Sentence(s)
However, a proper workout can help them to prevent the aforementioned diseases.
Corrected Sentence:
Although exercise can mitigate health issues caused by junk food, government regulation of TV commercials is essential for a more effective solution.
Although exercise can mitigate health issues caused by junk food, government regulation of TV commercials is essential for a more effective solution.
Clarify how this connects to the regulation of TV commercials and make it more direct.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main argument. Use active voice and specific language to directly address the essay question.
Counter Points
You briefly mentioned a counterpoint regarding exercise but did not fully explore contrasting viewpoints or integrate them effectively into your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
However, a proper workout can help them to prevent the aforementioned diseases.
Corrected Sentence:
While exercise can offset some negative effects of junk food, it cannot replace the need for government regulation to address the root cause of unhealthy eating habits.
While exercise can offset some negative effects of junk food, it cannot replace the need for government regulation to address the root cause of unhealthy eating habits.
Expand on this counterpoint by discussing its limitations or how it complements your argument for regulation.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge them early in your essay. Then, provide evidence or reasoning to show why your stance still holds stronger. This approach not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates your ability to engage with multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
6 Bands
Overall, you have a clear stance and have addressed the question. However, the essay would benefit from deeper analysis, more varied sentence structures, and stronger supporting details. Consider exploring the implications of your argument more thoroughly and providing more concrete examples or data to strengthen your case.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You addressed the question directly by stating your position and outlining the essay's direction. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic.
Good example(s)
To protect the young generation from the mouthwatering junk food government should take necessary steps to lesser the commercials.
This sentence clearly states your position and suggests a solution.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but lacks depth in places. Expanding on the reasons for government regulation and providing more examples could strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
Moreover, by consuming these kind of food they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as; Cancer, obesity, diabetes etc.
This sentence effectively highlights the consequences of consuming processed foods, supporting your argument for regulation.
Supporting Details
The examples provided are relevant, but the essay would benefit from additional details and evidence to back up claims. More specific examples or statistics could enhance your argument.
Good example(s)
In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI.
This detail provides a real-world example of regulation, supporting your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your position but could be stronger by summarizing key arguments or suggesting broader implications.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, it is not easy for all people to control their eating habits.
This sentence starts the conclusion on a weak note by stating a problem without directly tying it to the essay's argument for regulation.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of processed foods and their regulation. However, there are areas where word choice could be improved to enhance clarity and precision. Paying attention to the correct use of phrases and avoiding repetition can make your argument more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| ever processed food | every processed food | Typographical error, changing 'ever' to 'every' clarifies the meaning. |
| lesser the commercials | reduce the number of commercials | 'Lesser the commercials' is awkward and unclear. 'Reduce the number of commercials' is more precise. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
food 9 times | meals, cuisine, dishes, nourishment |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Regulate Control or maintain the rate or speed of (a machine or process) so that it operates properly. | Control or maintain the rate or speed of (a machine or process) so that it operates properly. |
| Promotional activities Actions taken to advertise or publicize a product or service. | Actions taken to advertise or publicize a product or service. |
| Processed food Food items that have been canned, cooked, frozen, packaged, or changed in nutritional composition with fortifying, preserving, or preparing in different ways. | Food items that have been canned, cooked, frozen, packaged, or changed in nutritional composition with fortifying, preserving, or preparing in different ways. |
| Dreadful diseases Extremely serious or severe illnesses that can have a profound impact on one's health. | Extremely serious or severe illnesses that can have a profound impact on one's health. |
| Mouthwatering Food that looks, smells, or tastes extremely delicious. | Food that looks, smells, or tastes extremely delicious. |
Out of Context
doing exercise
Corrected Sentence:
exercising
exercising
Discussing the role of exercise in combating diseases caused by junk food.
Grammatical Range
6 Bands
Overall, your grammar is decent, but there are areas for improvement. Pay attention to the correct use of articles ('this kind of food' instead of 'these kind of food') and punctuation, especially commas for clarity and separating ideas. Also, ensure proper capitalization rules are followed (disease names should not be capitalized unless they are proper nouns). Enhancing these aspects can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety, but they could benefit from more complexity and variation in structure to enhance readability and engagement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.
Good example(s)
To protect the young generation from the mouthwatering junk food, government should take necessary steps to lessen the commercials.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure, combining a main clause with a subordinate clause in a way that clearly conveys your point.
Bad Example(s)
In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI.
This sentence is unclear and seems to be missing words ('every' instead of 'ever'), disrupting the sentence structure.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, sticking to the present simple to discuss current situations and general truths. However, be mindful of ensuring that verb tenses match the time frame you're discussing.
Good example(s)
Nowadays, advertisements of junk foods have become very popular all over the world which mostly attract a greater number of young individuals.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense ('have become') to discuss a current trend that started in the past.
Grammatical Errors
In Bangladesh ever processed food is checked by BSTI.
Correction:
In Bangladesh, every processed food is checked by BSTI.
In Bangladesh, every processed food is checked by BSTI.
The word 'ever' is incorrect in this context and should be 'every'. Additionally, a comma is needed after 'Bangladesh' for clarity.
Moreover, by consuming these kind of food they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as; Cancer, obesity, diabetes etc.
Correction:
Moreover, by consuming this kind of food, they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as cancer, obesity, diabetes, etc.
Moreover, by consuming this kind of food, they are leading themselves towards dreadful diseases such as cancer, obesity, diabetes, etc.
It should be 'this kind of food' for grammatical agreement, and diseases should not be capitalized. Also, a comma is needed for clarity after 'food', and 'etc.' should have a period at the end.