Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that economic growth is more important than environmental protection. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In contemporary society, as some maintain, improvement of financial situation is more crucial than the environment protection.In my perspective, the environment preservation is the most vital thing. However these to subjects have a bilateral relation. In this essay, I shall discuss both views and I will bring my opinion into the scene.
Firstly, environmental concerns have a massive impacts on our lives. Our basic need are associated with the area that we live in. Nowadays, we have faced with countless environmental difficulties such as; air pollution, contaminated water, global warming, etc. All of these issues can make hard circumstances for any individual. It is a case that contaminated water contains pathogenic microorganisims such as E.coli which can effect on people's health status, and bring them enormous dangerous diseases. Many people will be died in the light of E.coli side-effects. Subsequently, being alive and healthy is the most essential matter. For instance, people pay a huge amount of expenditure on health care sections, in result it is clear that being healthy which has a straighforward relation with the environment is the most critical aspect of our lives.
Secondly, an efficient environment is a prerequisite for the economic growth. Our society cannot achieve any progress without healthy indiviuals.
however it ought to be mentioned that numbers of environmental concerns can be solved by high amount of money. For instance, adequate budegts will be dedicated to the environment protection projects such as, managing the disposal of waste, better water filtration systems, producing invironment friendly powers inestead of fossil-fuels, etc. subsequently, plenty of concerns will be demolished by the economic growth.
Taking everything into account, the nature is everything, and this is our responsibilities to protect it, however this protection process requires a stable economic situation, and from other perspective owing to a preserved enivronment, people's lives will get better and it can elevate everything to a better situation such as economical status.
Firstly, environmental concerns have a massive impacts on our lives. Our basic need are associated with the area that we live in. Nowadays, we have faced with countless environmental difficulties such as; air pollution, contaminated water, global warming, etc. All of these issues can make hard circumstances for any individual. It is a case that contaminated water contains pathogenic microorganisims such as E.coli which can effect on people's health status, and bring them enormous dangerous diseases. Many people will be died in the light of E.coli side-effects. Subsequently, being alive and healthy is the most essential matter. For instance, people pay a huge amount of expenditure on health care sections, in result it is clear that being healthy which has a straighforward relation with the environment is the most critical aspect of our lives.
Secondly, an efficient environment is a prerequisite for the economic growth. Our society cannot achieve any progress without healthy indiviuals.
however it ought to be mentioned that numbers of environmental concerns can be solved by high amount of money. For instance, adequate budegts will be dedicated to the environment protection projects such as, managing the disposal of waste, better water filtration systems, producing invironment friendly powers inestead of fossil-fuels, etc. subsequently, plenty of concerns will be demolished by the economic growth.
Taking everything into account, the nature is everything, and this is our responsibilities to protect it, however this protection process requires a stable economic situation, and from other perspective owing to a preserved enivronment, people's lives will get better and it can elevate everything to a better situation such as economical status.
Submitted on August 6, 2024 at 4:35 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, discussing both the importance of economic growth and environmental protection, and successfully integrates your opinion. Your introduction sets a clear foundation for your argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, emphasizing the interdependence between economic stability and environmental preservation. However, there are areas for improvement to enhance your essay's impact and coherence. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar; for instance, 'environment protection' should be 'environmental protection', 'invironment' should be 'environment', and 'inviuals' should be 'individuals'. These errors can detract from your overall clarity and professionalism. Secondly, your argument would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, particularly in the discussion of how economic growth can address environmental concerns. Additionally, ensuring a more structured separation between paragraphs discussing the two views would improve readability and coherence. Lastly, consider refining your conclusion to more directly state your opinion, reinforcing the importance of balancing economic growth with environmental protection. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining these aspects could enhance its effectiveness and potentially increase your IELTS band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic with a logical flow of ideas. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
Secondly, an efficient environment is a prerequisite for the economic growth.
This sentence effectively connects environmental preservation with economic growth, highlighting the interdependence between the two.
Bad Sentence(s)
however it ought to be mentioned that numbers of environmental concerns can be solved by high amount of money.
Corrected Sentence:
However, it ought to be mentioned that a number of environmental concerns can be solved with substantial funding.
However, it ought to be mentioned that a number of environmental concerns can be solved with substantial funding.
Start the sentence with a capital letter and improve clarity by specifying how money can address environmental concerns.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Then, use subsequent sentences to develop this idea, providing examples or evidence. Finally, conclude each paragraph by linking back to the essay question or your argument.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are generally clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to immediately indicate their main focus. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, environmental concerns have a massive impacts on our lives.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph topic, signaling a focus on the importance of environmental concerns.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus by starting each with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea you will discuss. Ensure all sentences within the paragraph directly support or expand on this idea. Use the final sentence of each paragraph to summarize the main point or link to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there are instances where their use could be more precise to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
In this essay, I shall discuss both views and I will bring my opinion into the scene.
This sentence effectively sets up the structure of the essay, indicating a balanced discussion followed by a personal opinion.
Bad Sentence(s)
however these to subjects have a bilateral relation.
Corrected Sentence:
However, these two subjects have a bilateral relation.
However, these two subjects have a bilateral relation.
Correct the typo and improve the transition for clarity.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, vary your language more to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'however,' you could use 'nevertheless,' 'on the other hand,' or 'yet.' Additionally, ensure that your cohesive devices accurately reflect the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect or contrast.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the content of the paragraphs effectively, indicating the direction of your argument. However, they could be more precise in highlighting the specific focus of each paragraph.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, environmental concerns have a massive impacts on our lives.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph's focus on the importance of environmental protection.
Secondly, an efficient environment is a prerequisite for the economic growth.
It clearly links environmental health with economic growth, setting up the argument for their interdependence.
Bad Sentence(s)
In contemporary society, as some maintain, improvement of financial situation is more crucial than the environment protection.
Corrected Sentence:
In contemporary society, there is a debate between those who prioritize economic growth and those who argue for the importance of environmental protection.
In contemporary society, there is a debate between those who prioritize economic growth and those who argue for the importance of environmental protection.
Clarify and directly state the contrasting views to make the introduction of these perspectives more impactful.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that directly addresses the main idea of the paragraph. Use active voice and specific language to make your point clearly and forcefully.
Counter Points
You have acknowledged the importance of both economic growth and environmental protection, which shows an attempt to handle contrasting viewpoints. However, the integration of these viewpoints could be more seamless, with a clearer examination of how they can complement rather than oppose each other.
Bad Sentence(s)
however it ought to be mentioned that numbers of environmental concerns can be solved by high amount of money.
Corrected Sentence:
However, it should be noted that significant financial resources can effectively address many environmental concerns.
However, it should be noted that significant financial resources can effectively address many environmental concerns.
Introduce counterpoints more smoothly and provide a more detailed analysis of how economic resources can address environmental issues.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, explicitly acknowledge the validity of opposing viewpoints before presenting evidence or reasoning that supports your perspective. Use transitional phrases to smoothly shift between contrasting ideas and demonstrate how they can inform or balance each other.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have done a commendable job in addressing the task, presenting a clear opinion, and discussing both sides of the argument. To further improve, focus on deepening your analysis, providing more specific examples, and enhancing the coherence of your argument through better transitions and structure. Paying attention to minor grammatical errors and ensuring clarity in your argumentation will also help.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have addressed the question by discussing both views and providing your opinion, which aligns with the requirements of the task.
Good example(s)
In contemporary society, as some maintain, improvement of financial situation is more crucial than the environment protection.
This sentence introduces the discussion effectively by acknowledging the viewpoint that economic growth is prioritized over environmental protection.
In my perspective, the environment preservation is the most vital thing.
You clearly state your opinion, which is a key requirement for this type of essay.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you've made an effort to support it with examples. However, the development of your position could be strengthened by providing more detailed analysis and counterarguments.
Good example(s)
Secondly, an efficient environment is a prerequisite for the economic growth.
This sentence effectively links environmental protection to economic growth, supporting your position that the environment should not be neglected.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant, but they lack depth and specificity. Including more detailed examples and explaining how they directly support your argument would enhance your essay.
Good example(s)
It is a case that contaminated water contains pathogenic microorganisms such as E.coli which can affect people's health status, and bring them enormous dangerous diseases.
This detail supports your argument about the importance of environmental protection by illustrating a specific health risk.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint and the importance of balancing economic growth with environmental protection. However, it could be more impactful by succinctly restating the strongest points of your argument.
Good example(s)
Taking everything into account, the nature is everything, and this is our responsibilities to protect it, however this protection process requires a stable economic situation, and from other perspective owing to a preserved environment, people's lives will get better and it can elevate everything to a better situation such as economical status.
This conclusion reiterates your stance and the interconnectedness of economic growth and environmental protection, effectively tying together your essay's main points.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, showing an ability to discuss environmental and economic issues. However, there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and avoid repetition. Paying attention to the accuracy of word choice and exploring synonyms could further enrich your lexical resource.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| invironment friendly | environment-friendly | Spelling error. |
| budegts | budgets | Spelling error. |
| insteed of | instead of | Spelling error. |
| indiviuals | individuals | Spelling error. |
| straighforward | straightforward | Spelling error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
environment 9 times | nature, ecosystem, surroundings |
economic 5 times | financial, economical, fiscal |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sustainable development Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. | Economic development that is conducted without depletion of natural resources. |
| ecological balance A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. | A state of dynamic equilibrium within a community of organisms in which genetic, species and ecosystem diversity remain relatively stable, subject to gradual changes through natural succession. |
| renewable energy Energy from a source that is not depleted when used, such as wind or solar power. | Energy from a source that is not depleted when used, such as wind or solar power. |
| biodiversity The variety of life in the world or in a particular habitat or ecosystem. | The variety of life in the world or in a particular habitat or ecosystem. |
| carbon footprint The amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere as a result of the activities of a particular individual, organization, or community. | The amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere as a result of the activities of a particular individual, organization, or community. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar demonstrates a solid understanding of English language conventions, but there are several areas for improvement. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct use of phrases, and spelling. Enhancing these aspects will significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Additionally, consider revising sentences that are overly long or complex for better readability.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there's room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication to enhance readability and engagement.
Good example(s)
For instance, adequate budgets will be dedicated to the environment protection projects such as, managing the disposal of waste, better water filtration systems, producing environment friendly powers instead of fossil-fuels, etc.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to list examples, enhancing the clarity and depth of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
In contemporary society, as some maintain, improvement of financial situation is more crucial than the environment protection.In my perspective, the environment preservation is the most vital thing.
The sentence is overly long and could be divided into two for clarity. Additionally, the lack of space after the period makes it harder to read.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the essay's analytical and discursive nature. You've managed to maintain a present tense to discuss current issues and general truths, which is appropriate for this type of essay.
Grammatical Errors
Our basic need are associated with the area that we live in.
Correction:
Our basic needs are associated with the area that we live in.
Our basic needs are associated with the area that we live in.
The subject 'needs' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' to agree in number.
Nowadays, we have faced with countless environmental difficulties such as; air pollution, contaminated water, global warming, etc.
Correction:
Nowadays, we are faced with countless environmental difficulties such as air pollution, contaminated water, global warming, etc.
Nowadays, we are faced with countless environmental difficulties such as air pollution, contaminated water, global warming, etc.
The correct phrase is 'are faced with'. Also, a comma is used before 'such as' instead of a semicolon.
Many people will be died in the light of E.coli side-effects.
Correction:
Many people will die as a result of E.coli side-effects.
Many people will die as a result of E.coli side-effects.
The correct expression is 'will die' for future tense, not 'will be died'. 'In the light of' is also less common than 'as a result of' in this context.
adequate budegts
Correction:
adequate budgets
adequate budgets
Spelling mistake.
invironment friendly powers inestead of fossil-fuels
Correction:
environment-friendly powers instead of fossil fuels
environment-friendly powers instead of fossil fuels
Spelling mistakes and hyphenation. 'Environment' is misspelled as 'invironment', and 'instead' is misspelled as 'inestead'. 'Environment-friendly' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.