Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Two-part Question Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Encouraging physical education in schools can contribute to students' overall health. What strategies can schools adopt to promote physical activity, and how might it influence students' well-being?
Physical health is undeniably a crucial part of the over-all fitness of a person. Therefore, physical education should be focused on in schools as much as mental education. This essay will discuss the ways in which educational institutions can play a major part in physical development of students, along with the impacts it can have on them.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recognize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for their higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils. One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can. Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions. Not only programs like these can attract students to attend and participate, but kids will strive to win as well.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind. If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker. Additionally, school-going kids are in their prime years of physical development, so this is the best time to ensure they grow up to be fit and healthy adults. Other than that, academics is not the best suite of all the children, each of them has his own unique potential and for some them it might be sports. If organizations encourage sports and games, it could help students recognize their talents, and provide them the options to pursure for their higher studies, like sport scholarships that many colleges offer.
To conclude, physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well. By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
Submitted on August 8, 2024 at 3:54 PM
Overall Evaluation
8 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, outlining both strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and the potential benefits on students' well-being. Your introduction and conclusion are clear, framing your argument well. You use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is good for demonstrating language ability. However, to improve, consider incorporating more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments. Additionally, a deeper analysis of how physical education can impact mental health and academic performance could strengthen your essay. Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your argumentation. Overall, your essay is well-structured and addresses the topic comprehensively. With refinement, it could achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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8
Coherence & Cohesion
7.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, effectively discussing strategies for promoting physical education and its benefits. The introduction sets a strong foundation for the argument, followed by detailed exploration of strategies and impacts, concluding with a persuasive summary. Overall, the logical organization is strong, meriting a band score of 8.0.
Good Sentence(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea with clarity, contributing to the logical flow of the essay.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider explicitly linking your points back to the question at the end of each paragraph. This can be achieved by using phrases that summarize the paragraph's contribution to the essay's overall argument.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and well-structured, each serving a distinct purpose: introduction, discussion of strategies, discussion of impacts, and conclusion. This structure facilitates easy reading and understanding, deserving a band score of 8.0.
Good Sentence(s)
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to exploring impacts, maintaining clarity and focus.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea. This will help readers understand the primary focus of each section immediately.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective, facilitating a smooth flow between sentences and ideas. However, there's room for slight improvement in varying your transitional phrases to avoid repetition. Your current use merits a band score of 7.5.
Good Sentence(s)
To begin with, there are several strategies that schools can implement to ensure optimal physical training of the pupils.
This phrase effectively introduces the first main point of the essay, signaling the start of a detailed discussion.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider variety of transitions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition to,' to introduce new ideas, and 'Consequently,' 'As a result,' for showing results or effects. This will enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively introduce the main ideas of each paragraph, guiding the reader through your arguments on the importance of physical education and its benefits.
Good Sentence(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence clearly introduces a strategy for promoting physical activity in schools, setting up the paragraph's focus effectively.
As for the effects physical well-being can have on the overall fitness of kids, a healthy body is home to a healthy mind.
It effectively transitions the essay from discussing strategies to the impacts of those strategies, maintaining a clear and logical progression.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start each paragraph with a concise statement that reflects its main idea. Ensure it directly addresses the essay question and logically connects to the thesis. Use varied language to keep the reader engaged.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting the thesis. Including a brief consideration of potential challenges or opposition views could strengthen your argument.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, consider dedicating a paragraph to discussing common objections or challenges to implementing physical education programs in schools. Address these points directly, then refute them or explain how they can be overcome. This approach can make your argument more balanced and persuasive.
Task Achievement
7.5 Bands
Overall, you did well in addressing the task, providing clear strategies and discussing their impacts comprehensively. Your argument is coherent and persuasive. To improve, consider adding more varied examples, including data or research findings, to substantiate your claims further. Also, refining your conclusion with a more impactful statement could leave a lasting impression on the reader.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question effectively, providing clear strategies schools can adopt to promote physical activity and discussing the impact on students' well-being.
Good example(s)
One of them is to conduct weekly physical education classes, or gym classes, in which children could not just be taught the necessity of physical movement, but encouraged to perform as much activity as they can.
This sentence clearly outlines a practical strategy for promoting physical activity in schools.
If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
It effectively connects physical health with academic performance, illustrating the broader impact of physical education.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and well-developed, effectively advocating for the importance of physical education in schools.
Good example(s)
physical growth is equally important as mental growth of students, which is why schools have a responsibility to ensure the former as well.
This sentence strongly supports your position on the importance of physical education.
Supporting Details
Your examples and supporting details are relevant and strengthen your argument. However, incorporating specific studies or statistics could further enhance your argument.
Good example(s)
arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This detail provides a concrete example of how schools can promote physical activity.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates the importance of physical education, but it could be enhanced by a stronger call to action or a visionary statement about the future impact of these initiatives.
Good example(s)
By adopting the above-mentioned tactics, educational institutes can ensure that children get a full, well-rounded education that will help them grow into their best-selves.
It effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces the importance of physical education.
Lexical Resources
7.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying your ideas on physical education in schools. Your use of specific terms related to physical activity and education adds depth to your argument. However, diversifying your vocabulary further could enhance the sophistication of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
physical 8 times | bodily, physiological, corporeal |
schools 5 times | educational institutions, academies, educational facilities |
students 5 times | pupils, learners, participants |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| holistic development A comprehensive form of growth that includes physical, mental, emotional, and social aspects. | A comprehensive form of growth that includes physical, mental, emotional, and social aspects. |
| cognitive function The ability of the brain to process, store, retrieve, and use information. | The ability of the brain to process, store, retrieve, and use information. |
| endorse To support, or approve of something, often publicly. | To support, or approve of something, often publicly. |
| vigorous Strong, healthy, and full of energy. | Strong, healthy, and full of energy. |
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity and encourages sitting or remaining inactive for most of the day. | A way of life that involves little physical activity and encourages sitting or remaining inactive for most of the day. |
Grammatical Range
8.5 Bands
Your grammar is largely accurate, demonstrating a strong command of English. The essay is well-structured, with sentences that are both complex and clear, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of your argument. However, always ensure to maintain this level of grammatical accuracy and try to introduce even more varied sentence structures to further enrich your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentence structures show a good range of complexity and variation, contributing positively to the readability and engagement of your essay.
Good example(s)
Another way organizations can promote bodily fitness is to arrange sport events, such as sport weeks and competitions.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity, showcasing a complex structure that enhances the flow of information.
Tense Usage
The use of tenses throughout your essay is consistent and appropriate, maintaining a clear narrative and argumentative stance.
Good example(s)
If a student is in good bodily health, he can perform his best in academics, compared to his peer who is weaker.
This example demonstrates a correct and effective use of the present tense to describe ongoing or general truths, which is suitable for your essay's argumentative style.
Grammatical Errors
No Grammatical Errors detected in this essay