Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the statement that the decrease in rural populations, as a result of urban migration, contributes to a rise in urban crime rates?
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades. This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities. In this essay, I will give reasons why I agree with this statement.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside. As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate. When these people shift to urban regions, looking for ways to earn money and a better life, they find themselves struck by the glamour of the bustling cities. However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves. As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities. Along with quality education, there are no jobs in rural areas as well. An educated person, who wishes to provide a comfortable life for himself and his family, has no other option but to move to a metropolitan region. However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate. Consequently, this leaves those aspiring individuals no choice but to resort to unlawful means, like scamming and gambling, to feed themselves, and in most cases, their families as well. In addition to that, in most cases, they had sold all the possessions they had in the outskirts, rendering returning back to their ancestral homes out of question. In other words, the saturated job market is another factor behind urban migrations resulting in levelled up crime rates.
To sum up, the statement that more and more rural inhabitants moving to larger cities has caused crimes to soar holds a certain weight. Major reasons being illiterate rural population and reducing career opportunities.
Submitted on July 29, 2024 at 3:49 PM
Overall Evaluation
7 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a clear argument that supports the idea that urban migration contributes to rising crime rates in cities. You have structured your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss distinct reasons, and a concise conclusion that summarizes your argument. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, the assumption that rural migrants are mostly uneducated and illiterate could be seen as overly general and might benefit from a more nuanced discussion or evidence. Additionally, while you've identified key factors contributing to crime, such as lack of education and employment opportunities, incorporating data or studies could strengthen your argument. Your language is mostly clear, but be mindful of generalizations and ensure your claims are supported by evidence or examples. To enhance your score, consider diversifying your sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Lastly, be cautious of potentially stigmatizing statements about rural migrants and strive for a balanced view by acknowledging any positive contributions they might make to urban areas.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7
Coherence & Cohesion
7 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical flow of ideas, effectively supporting your agreement with the statement. The introduction sets the stage for your argument, followed by body paragraphs that each address a distinct reason supporting your view, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your stance. Overall, the logical organization is strong. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a new idea, providing a smooth transition from discussing education to employment issues, which maintains the essay's logical flow.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, consider incorporating more comparative analysis between rural and urban settings, and how specific aspects of urban life directly contribute to crime rates. This could provide a deeper understanding and strengthen your argument.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of topic sentences is effective in guiding the reader through your points. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence effectively sets up the paragraph's focus, clearly indicating what the reader can expect to be discussed.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph elaborates on the point introduced by its topic sentence without introducing new, unrelated ideas. This will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay makes good use of cohesive devices, linking ideas smoothly and contributing to the overall coherence of your argument. However, there's room for more varied devices to enhance cohesion further. Band: 7
Good Sentence(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence effectively uses a cohesive device ('As a consequence') to link cause and effect, enhancing the logical flow of the argument.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' and 'Moreover,' to introduce new points, and 'On the other hand,' to introduce contrasting points. This will add variety and sophistication to your writing.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively introduce the main ideas of each paragraph, guiding the reader through your argument in a structured manner.
Good Sentence(s)
Firstly, the main reason why migrations from villages to big cities cause crimes to rise in the latter is the shifts of uneducated population of the countryside.
This sentence clearly introduces the paragraph's argument, linking urban migration with crime through the specific issue of education.
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
It effectively sets up the discussion on how job scarcity in urban areas contributes to higher crime rates, providing a clear direction for the argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph’s main argument. Use active voice and specific language to directly convey your point. Ensure each topic sentence links back to the thesis statement, reinforcing the overall argument.
Counter Points
Your essay does not explicitly address contrasting viewpoints or counterarguments, focusing instead on supporting your agreement with the statement. Including counterpoints could strengthen your argument by demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Bad Sentence(s)
Your essay lacks sentences that effectively address counterpoints.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue that urban migration can bring skilled workers and potential for economic growth to cities, the immediate impact on urban infrastructure and social services often exacerbates conditions leading to higher crime rates.
While some argue that urban migration can bring skilled workers and potential for economic growth to cities, the immediate impact on urban infrastructure and social services often exacerbates conditions leading to higher crime rates.
Consider including a paragraph that acknowledges potential arguments against your position, then refute these points or explain why the benefits outweigh the negatives.
Suggestions
To integrate counterarguments more effectively, identify common or possible opposing views on your topic. Acknowledge these views early in your essay, and then use evidence and reasoning to refute them or to show why your argument still stands. This approach not only strengthens your position but also demonstrates critical thinking and a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task effectively, presenting a clear argument supported by relevant examples. To improve, consider incorporating a wider range of evidence and exploring the topic more deeply by acknowledging potential counterarguments. This would provide a more rounded discussion and could elevate your score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have directly addressed the question by agreeing with the statement and provided a clear stance. Your essay aligns well with the task requirements.
Good example(s)
Urban migrations have become a common practice over the past few decades.
This sentence effectively introduces the topic and sets the stage for your argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you've maintained a consistent position throughout the essay. However, the development could be enhanced by considering counterarguments or providing a more nuanced discussion.
Good example(s)
As there is little to no quality education provided in rural regions, the inhabitants are mostly illiterate.
This sentence effectively establishes a cause for the migration and links it to the rise in crime rates.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant and support your argument well. To strengthen your essay, consider adding more varied evidence or examples, including statistics or studies, to back up your claims.
Good example(s)
However, due to a large influx of urban immigrants, there are severe job shortages in large cities, resulting in increasing unemployment rate.
This detail supports your argument by showing a direct consequence of urban migration.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay's main points well but could be strengthened by clearly restating your position and perhaps suggesting a solution or a broader implication of your argument.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary pertinent to the topic of urban migration and its effects on crime rates. However, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and variety to enhance the overall impact and clarity of your arguments.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| skyrocketed legal offenses | skyrocketing crime rates | 'Skyrocketed legal offenses' is not a common phrase and may confuse readers. 'Skyrocketing crime rates' is clearer and more accurate. |
| levelled up crime rates | increased crime rates | 'Levelled up' is more commonly used in gaming and informal contexts. 'Increased' is more appropriate for an academic essay. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
urban migrations, crimes, jobs Multiple times | urban movement, criminal activities, employment opportunities |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| demographic shift A change in the population structure of an area. | A change in the population structure of an area. |
| socioeconomic disparity The economic and social gap between two groups, often contributing to varying life outcomes. | The economic and social gap between two groups, often contributing to varying life outcomes. |
| marginalized communities Groups that experience discrimination or exclusion from mainstream social, economic, educational, or political life. | Groups that experience discrimination or exclusion from mainstream social, economic, educational, or political life. |
| urban sprawl The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. | The uncontrolled expansion of urban areas. |
| livelihood Means of securing the necessities of life. | Means of securing the necessities of life. |
Grammatical Range
7.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with only minor errors that don't significantly hinder comprehension. Focus on simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that your ideas are expressed as clearly as possible. Paying attention to the structure can also help avoid awkward phrasing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences show a good range of complexity and variation, contributing to a clear and engaging argument. However, there's room for improvement in making some sentences more concise to enhance readability.
Good example(s)
As a consequence, more often than not, the path that they choose for themselves, which they believe will improve their lives, is that of lawlessness and illegitimacy, resulting in a higher number of crimes in the areas.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas into one, showing the cause and effect relationship in a complex structure.
Bad Example(s)
Another common factor due to which higher urban moves translate to skyrocketed legal offenses is lack of jobs in the cities.
This sentence could be simplified for clarity. For example, 'Another factor is the lack of jobs in cities, leading to an increase in crime.'
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, maintaining a clear narrative throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
This has led to the belief that as a consequence of decreasing rural populations and increasing urban migrations, the crime rates have risen in cities.
This sentence correctly uses the present perfect tense to describe a situation that started in the past and continues up to the present.
Grammatical Errors
However, not only are these village dwellers unqualified for a decent job, they also lack the manners of conducting themselves.
Correction:
However, these village dwellers are not only unqualified for a decent job but also lack the manners to conduct themselves properly.
However, these village dwellers are not only unqualified for a decent job but also lack the manners to conduct themselves properly.
The original sentence was awkwardly structured; the correction improves readability and clarity.