Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree that the influence of mass media has more positive effects than negative ones on society?
In recent times mass media has become a crucial part of everyone's life. Mass media also works as a great weapon in todays world serving both advantages and disadvantages to the society. According to me it serves more of a negative influence on society rather than the positive influence. This essay will articulate both the positive and negative aspects but highlighting more the negative influence of mass media on the society along with the conclusion.
Mass media works as a great weapon in this world and is not only used by the teenagers or adults but also have a great influence over the childrens as well. If used in a right way this can serve as a great medium for knowledge, information, personality development and what more. Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowldege about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.However it not only provide a positive inlfuence on the society alongside it also circulates more of the negative influence on the society. Many age groups are affected by the negative influence of the mass media like Cyber crimes, Blackmailing, wastage of time, being less productive. One exmaple that can state how media also have negative inlfuence is that these days most of the students spend their time on social media which makes them less productive and snatch away their ability to study more, not only this by hovering over the social media they gain various bad effects from various content makers to study one night before exams, participating more towards alcholism as shown in the social media that they are a source of fun.
Additionally not only it effects their productivity but also mental and physical health of the people as they starin their eyes by binge watching full day, decreade their mental development by constantly being on the social media and not learning something beneficial from it. Some studies have also shown that mass media not onlt affect their physical health but also their mental health as they see that platform as only a souce to count on and strain their head due to falso information as well that many publish on the social media also on of tge main reason of this is that some people might use media to blackmail their peer group by publish their pics on the social media and asking fot money in return this can hace a vey adverse effect on one's mental health as it can also lead some to go for suicide as an escape form that.
At the end it can be concluded that mass media if used in proper way have a lot of efforts but one wrong step can lead to various adverse effect on the society as wall as for an individual using the mass media. One should balance the use of social media and it depends on the individual whether they are having a negative influence of the media or a positive influence.
Mass media works as a great weapon in this world and is not only used by the teenagers or adults but also have a great influence over the childrens as well. If used in a right way this can serve as a great medium for knowledge, information, personality development and what more. Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowldege about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.However it not only provide a positive inlfuence on the society alongside it also circulates more of the negative influence on the society. Many age groups are affected by the negative influence of the mass media like Cyber crimes, Blackmailing, wastage of time, being less productive. One exmaple that can state how media also have negative inlfuence is that these days most of the students spend their time on social media which makes them less productive and snatch away their ability to study more, not only this by hovering over the social media they gain various bad effects from various content makers to study one night before exams, participating more towards alcholism as shown in the social media that they are a source of fun.
Additionally not only it effects their productivity but also mental and physical health of the people as they starin their eyes by binge watching full day, decreade their mental development by constantly being on the social media and not learning something beneficial from it. Some studies have also shown that mass media not onlt affect their physical health but also their mental health as they see that platform as only a souce to count on and strain their head due to falso information as well that many publish on the social media also on of tge main reason of this is that some people might use media to blackmail their peer group by publish their pics on the social media and asking fot money in return this can hace a vey adverse effect on one's mental health as it can also lead some to go for suicide as an escape form that.
At the end it can be concluded that mass media if used in proper way have a lot of efforts but one wrong step can lead to various adverse effect on the society as wall as for an individual using the mass media. One should balance the use of social media and it depends on the individual whether they are having a negative influence of the media or a positive influence.
Submitted on July 12, 2024 at 7:35 AM
Overall Evaluation
5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing both the positive and negative effects of mass media on society, but it focuses more on the negative aspects, as per the essay question. You have a clear thesis statement and you conclude by restating your main points, which is good practice in IELTS writing. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your essay would benefit from more careful organization, including clearer paragraphing and the use of topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Secondly, your argument could be strengthened by providing specific examples and evidence to support your points. Additionally, there are numerous spelling and grammatical errors ('childrens', 'knowldege', 'inlfuence', 'decreade', 'onlt', 'souce', 'tge', 'fot', 'hace', 'efforts' instead of 'effects', etc.) that make your essay difficult to follow in places. Working on your spelling and grammar will help improve the clarity of your writing and your overall band score. Finally, consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. Overall, your essay has potential, but polishing these aspects will significantly enhance your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
5.5
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to structure the discussion around the negative and positive impacts of mass media, but the flow between ideas could be more cohesive. Overall, the structure is present but needs refinement for clarity and impact. Band: 6.0
Good Sentence(s)
Mass media works as a great weapon in this world and is not only used by the teenagers or adults but also have a great influence over the children as well.
This sentence effectively introduces the wide-ranging influence of mass media across different age groups, setting a broad context for the discussion.
Bad Sentence(s)
However it not only provide a positive inlfuence on the society alongside it also circulates more of the negative influence on the society.
Corrected Sentence:
However, while it provides positive influences on society, it also circulates many negative influences.
However, while it provides positive influences on society, it also circulates many negative influences.
Clarify and streamline the contrast between positive and negative influences for better readability.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points in the introduction. Then, dedicate each body paragraph to a single idea, ensuring a clear topic sentence at the beginning. Transition smoothly between paragraphs with phrases that reflect contrast or progression.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, but some paragraphs could be more focused. There's a tendency to mix positive and negative impacts without clear demarcation, which can confuse readers. Band: 5.5
Bad Sentence(s)
Additionally not only it effects their productivity but also mental and physical health of the people as they starin their eyes by binge watching full day, decreade their mental development by constantly being on the social media and not learning something beneficial from it.
Corrected Sentence:
Additionally, it not only affects their productivity but also the mental and physical health of people. Binge-watching strains their eyes, and constant social media use can hinder mental development.
Additionally, it not only affects their productivity but also the mental and physical health of people. Binge-watching strains their eyes, and constant social media use can hinder mental development.
Split complex ideas into separate sentences or paragraphs for clarity, and correct spelling mistakes.
Suggestions
Focus each paragraph on a single main idea, using a clear topic sentence. Use transitions to connect paragraphs logically. Consider separating discussions of positive and negative effects into distinct sections for clarity.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices shows an understanding of their importance, but the execution is sometimes flawed, leading to awkward or unclear connections between ideas. Band: 5.5
Bad Sentence(s)
Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowldege about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.However it not only provide a positive inlfuence on the society alongside it also circulates more of the negative influence on the society.
Corrected Sentence:
Electronic media can enhance productivity, foster general knowledge about society, and help combat crime. However, it also spreads negative influences within society.
Electronic media can enhance productivity, foster general knowledge about society, and help combat crime. However, it also spreads negative influences within society.
Improve clarity by breaking down complex ideas and using cohesive devices more effectively.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by practicing the use of linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' and 'as a result.' Ensure each device clearly connects ideas or paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a general overview of your essay's direction, focusing on the negative impacts of mass media. However, they could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Good Sentence(s)
Mass media works as a great weapon in this world and is not only used by the teenagers or adults but also have a great influence over the childrens as well.
This sentence effectively introduces the broad influence of mass media across different age groups, setting a foundation for discussing its impacts.
Bad Sentence(s)
This essay will articulate both the positive and negative aspects but highlighting more the negative influence of mass media on the society along with the conclusion.
Corrected Sentence:
This essay will argue that the negative influences of mass media on society outweigh its positive impacts.
This essay will argue that the negative influences of mass media on society outweigh its positive impacts.
Clarify and directly state your main argument in the topic sentence to immediately engage the reader with your stance.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of your main point. Follow this by a brief explanation or introduction to the evidence you will discuss. Ensure each topic sentence directly supports your thesis statement.
Counter Points
You mentioned both positive and negative impacts of mass media, which shows an attempt to address contrasting viewpoints. However, the integration of these viewpoints could be improved to strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowldege about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Although electronic media can enhance productivity and societal knowledge, its pervasive negative influences, such as promoting unrealistic expectations and misinformation, often undermine these benefits.
Although electronic media can enhance productivity and societal knowledge, its pervasive negative influences, such as promoting unrealistic expectations and misinformation, often undermine these benefits.
After presenting a positive aspect, immediately contrast it with a specific negative impact to maintain balance and enhance the argumentative structure.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the validity of opposing views before using evidence and reasoning to demonstrate why your perspective is more compelling. This not only shows a balanced understanding but also strengthens your position.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you've made a clear stance on the issue, but your essay would benefit from deeper analysis and more precise examples. Paying attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity in your writing will also help improve your score. Strengthening your argument with more balanced discussion and concrete evidence will make your essay more persuasive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You've addressed the question by stating your opinion clearly that mass media has more negative influences on society than positive ones. However, the balance between discussing both sides could be improved to strengthen your argument.
Good example(s)
Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowledge about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.
This sentence effectively highlights a positive aspect of mass media, showing that you can see both sides of the argument.
Bad Example(s)
At the end it can be concluded that mass media if used in proper way have a lot of efforts but one wrong step can lead to various adverse effect on the society as wall as for an individual using the mass media.
This sentence is confusing and contains grammatical errors, weakening your conclusion.
Development of Position
Your argument is somewhat developed but lacks depth in places. While you've made your position clear, further elaboration on how the negative aspects outweigh the positive ones would make your argument stronger.
Good example(s)
However it not only provide a positive influence on the society alongside it also circulates more of the negative influence on the society.
This sentence shows an attempt to weigh both sides, which is good for developing your position.
Bad Example(s)
Many age groups are affected by the negative influence of the mass media like Cyber crimes, Blackmailing, wastage of time, being less productive.
This sentence introduces important points but fails to elaborate on them, missing an opportunity to strengthen your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need more detail and evidence to be convincing. Expanding on how these examples specifically impact society would improve your argument.
Good example(s)
One example that can state how media also have negative influence is that these days most of the students spend their time on social media which makes them less productive and snatch away their ability to study more.
This is a strong, relatable example that clearly supports your argument about the negative effects of mass media.
Bad Example(s)
Some studies have also shown that mass media not only affect their physical health but also their mental health as they see that platform as only a source to count on and strain their head due to false information as well that many publish on the social media also on of the main reason of this is that some people might use media to blackmail their peer group by publish their pics on the social media and asking fot money in return this can hace a vey adverse effect on one's mental health as it can also lead some to go for suicide as an escape form that.
This sentence is overly long, lacks clarity, and would benefit from citing specific studies to strengthen its credibility.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but is weakened by grammatical errors and lack of a strong, final assertion. A more concise and error-free summary of your argument would be more impactful.
Bad Example(s)
At the end it can be concluded that mass media if used in proper way have a lot of efforts but one wrong step can lead to various adverse effect on the society as wall as for an individual using the mass media.
This conclusion is vague and grammatically incorrect, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to enhance clarity and engagement. Some words are used repetitively, and a few phrases are awkward or incorrectly used, impacting the overall coherence and sophistication of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| childrens | children | 'Children' is already plural and does not require an 's' at the end. |
| knowldege | knowledge | Spelling mistake. |
| inlfuence | influence | Spelling mistake. |
| alcholism | alcoholism | Spelling mistake. |
| starin | strain | Typographical error. |
| decreade | decrease | Spelling mistake. |
| not onlt | not only | Typographical error. |
| souce | source | Spelling mistake. |
| on of tge main reason | one of the main reasons | Typographical and grammatical errors. |
| asking fot money | asking for money | Typographical error. |
| efforts | effects | Incorrect word choice. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
influence 9 times | impact, effect, sway, hold |
media 15 times | broadcasting, press, digital platforms, networks |
society 8 times | community, public, populace |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| pervasive Spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people. | Spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people. |
| detrimental Tending to cause harm. | Tending to cause harm. |
| manipulate Control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously. | Control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously. |
| proliferation Rapid increase in numbers. | Rapid increase in numbers. |
| sedentary Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. | Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. |
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Overall, your essay suffers from frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, spelling mistakes, and incorrect word usage. These errors often distract from the content and weaken your argument. Focusing on proofreading and revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy would significantly improve your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety, but they often lack complexity and proper structure. There's a tendency towards run-on sentences and a lack of clear separation of ideas, which affects readability.
Good example(s)
Electronic media help people in being productive over their work, develop basic general knowledge about the society in which they are living, use media to pull down the crimes, etc.
This sentence effectively uses a list to present multiple ideas, showing some attempt at structure and complexity.
Bad Example(s)
Additionally not only it effects their productivity but also mental and physical health of the people as they starin their eyes by binge watching full day, decreade their mental development by constantly being on the social media and not learning something beneficial from it.
This sentence is a run-on that tries to convey too many ideas at once, leading to confusion. Breaking it into smaller, more focused sentences would improve clarity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, but there are instances where the wrong tense disrupts the flow and clarity of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
not only this by hovering over the social media they gain various bad effects from various content makers to study one night before exams, participating more towards alcholism as shown in the social media that they are a source of fun.
This sentence mixes past and present tenses inappropriately, making it unclear whether these actions are ongoing or specific to a past event.
Grammatical Errors
Mass media also works as a great weapon in todays world serving both advantages and disadvantages to the society.
Correction:
Mass media also works as a great weapon in today's world, serving both advantages and disadvantages to society.
Mass media also works as a great weapon in today's world, serving both advantages and disadvantages to society.
Missing apostrophe in 'today's' for possession and unnecessary 'the' before 'society'.
not only provide a positive inlfuence
Correction:
not only provides a positive influence
not only provides a positive influence
Subject-verb agreement error ('provide' should be 'provides') and spelling mistake ('inlfuence' should be 'influence').
childrens
Correction:
children
children
Incorrect plural form ('children' is already plural).
decreade
Correction:
decrease
decrease
Spelling mistake ('decreade' should be 'decrease').
on of tge main reason of this is
Correction:
one of the main reasons for this is
one of the main reasons for this is
Typographical errors ('tge' should be 'the') and grammatical adjustments needed for clarity.