Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In many societies, fashion is becoming increasingly important in determining an individual's identity. Some people believe that this is a positive development, as it allows individuals to express themselves and their uniqueness. Others argue that it leads to a superficial society where people are judged solely on their appearance rather than their character or abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that increase in the importance of fasion is the best way to determine one's identity however, they believe it is a positive developement which allows individuals to express their uniqueness. I completely disagree with this notion because individuals cannot be judged by their appearance and fashion, I think it all depends on their ability and character.
To begin with, nowadays people like to be trendy to attract others to judge them by their fashion. Some people think that, being fashionable means they are worth to have a good manners and character. However, it may be a positive development to some societies in this modern era, individuals are judging by appearance which reflects their quality of life and they know how to handle the community by their uniqueness also they don't care about the money to afford any fashionable stuffs. For instance, some people choose to being fashionable is the only way to express themselves in this contemporary era because they think appearance is matter of everything.
I firmly believe that character and abilities are the only way to judge a person not by their appearance because fashionable things are only for good looking. Fashion is only for showcasing their class of wealth which doesn't have a impact on public society. Although fashionable products consume lots of money from individuals. For example, middle class families earning low income but they choose to be a good-looking to judge by others .
In conclusion, although fashion allows individuals to express themselves and their uniqueness, I believe they also need a good character and abilities to accept by the communities, so they need to think how to express their appearance before acting towards the society.
To begin with, nowadays people like to be trendy to attract others to judge them by their fashion. Some people think that, being fashionable means they are worth to have a good manners and character. However, it may be a positive development to some societies in this modern era, individuals are judging by appearance which reflects their quality of life and they know how to handle the community by their uniqueness also they don't care about the money to afford any fashionable stuffs. For instance, some people choose to being fashionable is the only way to express themselves in this contemporary era because they think appearance is matter of everything.
I firmly believe that character and abilities are the only way to judge a person not by their appearance because fashionable things are only for good looking. Fashion is only for showcasing their class of wealth which doesn't have a impact on public society. Although fashionable products consume lots of money from individuals. For example, middle class families earning low income but they choose to be a good-looking to judge by others .
In conclusion, although fashion allows individuals to express themselves and their uniqueness, I believe they also need a good character and abilities to accept by the communities, so they need to think how to express their appearance before acting towards the society.
Submitted on June 26, 2024 at 7:07 AM
Overall Evaluation
5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the question by presenting a clear stance against the importance of fashion in determining one's identity, favoring character and abilities instead. You have structured your essay into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, your argument would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of why character and abilities should be valued over fashion. Additionally, your essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder readability and coherence. Working on sentence structure and varying your vocabulary could enhance your essay significantly. Also, consider exploring the counterargument more thoroughly to show a balanced view before reaffirming your position. This could strengthen your argument by demonstrating an understanding of differing perspectives. Overall, your essay has a good foundation, but refining your argumentation skills, grammar, and coherence will be key to achieving a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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5.5
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear stance and attempts to follow a logical structure, but it lacks depth in argument development and counter-argument exploration. Overall, it's a basic structure with room for improvement. Band: 5.5
Good Sentence(s)
I firmly believe that character and abilities are the only way to judge a person not by their appearance because fashionable things are only for good looking.
This sentence clearly states your main argument, providing a strong stance that enhances the logical flow.
Bad Sentence(s)
Some people think that, being fashionable means they are worth to have a good manners and character.
Corrected Sentence:
Some people think that being fashionable means they are perceived to have good manners and character.
Some people think that being fashionable means they are perceived to have good manners and character.
Clarify the idea and correct grammatical errors.
For example, middle class families earning low income but they choose to be a good-looking to judge by others .
Corrected Sentence:
For example, middle-class families with low incomes may still choose to invest in fashion to be positively judged by others.
For example, middle-class families with low incomes may still choose to invest in fashion to be positively judged by others.
Revise for clarity and coherence.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, clearly outline your main points in the introduction and develop each with specific examples and explanations in separate paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are identifiable but lack clear topic sentences and cohesive development of ideas. Band: 5.0
Bad Sentence(s)
To begin with, nowadays people like to be trendy to attract others to judge them by their fashion.
Corrected Sentence:
To begin with, the increasing importance of fashion in society leads individuals to use trendiness as a means of attracting judgment and attention.
To begin with, the increasing importance of fashion in society leads individuals to use trendiness as a means of attracting judgment and attention.
Start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that topic. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is minimal, making some parts of the essay feel disconnected. Band: 5.0
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating transition words such as 'furthermore,' 'for example,' and 'consequently' to better link ideas and paragraphs. Also, refer back to your main argument throughout the essay to maintain coherence.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences somewhat establish the direction of each paragraph but could be more precise in outlining the main argument you intend to discuss.
Good Sentence(s)
I firmly believe that character and abilities are the only way to judge a person not by their appearance because fashionable things are only for good looking.
This sentence clearly communicates your disagreement with the idea that fashion determines one's identity, setting a strong stance for the paragraph that follows.
Bad Sentence(s)
Some people think that increase in the importance of fasion is the best way to determine one's identity however, they believe it is a positive developement which allows individuals to express their uniqueness.
Corrected Sentence:
The growing emphasis on fashion as a marker of identity is seen by some as beneficial for personal expression, yet I view it as a flawed perspective.
The growing emphasis on fashion as a marker of identity is seen by some as beneficial for personal expression, yet I view it as a flawed perspective.
Clarify and streamline your topic sentence to better introduce your viewpoint.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that directly addresses the essay question. Clearly state your opinion or the main idea of the paragraph. Avoid complex sentences that might confuse the reader about your stance.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, but your handling of them tends to oversimplify the arguments rather than critically engaging with them.
Bad Sentence(s)
For instance, some people choose to being fashionable is the only way to express themselves in this contemporary era because they think appearance is matter of everything.
Corrected Sentence:
While it is argued that fashion is a primary form of self-expression in today's world, this view overlooks the deeper aspects of individual identity such as character and abilities.
While it is argued that fashion is a primary form of self-expression in today's world, this view overlooks the deeper aspects of individual identity such as character and abilities.
Rephrase to acknowledge the complexity of the viewpoint before presenting your rebuttal.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, first acknowledge the validity of the opposing viewpoint in a fair and unbiased manner. Then, use evidence or logical reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more compelling or comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have clearly communicated your disagreement with the statement and provided reasons for your stance. However, your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint, deeper analysis, and more specific examples. This would not only strengthen your argument but also demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and coherence to make your writing more effective.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by stating your disagreement with the notion that fashion is a positive way to determine one's identity. However, your argument would benefit from a more nuanced discussion of both viewpoints before presenting your conclusion.
Good example(s)
I completely disagree with this notion because individuals cannot be judged by their appearance and fashion, I think it all depends on their ability and character.
This sentence clearly states your position on the issue, providing a straightforward thesis statement.
Development of Position
Your argument is consistent, but it lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind your stance. Expanding on why character and abilities should be valued over fashion would strengthen your position.
Bad Example(s)
For example, middle class families earning low income but they choose to be a good-looking to judge by others.
This sentence is confusing and does not clearly support your argument. Clarifying and providing a more relevant example would be beneficial.
Supporting Details
The examples provided are somewhat relevant but lack specificity and depth. Including more detailed examples and explaining how they support your argument would make your essay stronger.
Bad Example(s)
For instance, some people choose to being fashionable is the only way to express themselves in this contemporary era because they think appearance is matter of everything.
This example is vague and does not convincingly support your argument against the importance of fashion in determining identity.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your stance but could be more impactful by summarizing key points made in your essay to reinforce your argument.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, although fashion allows individuals to express themselves and their uniqueness, I believe they also need a good character and abilities to accept by the communities, so they need to think how to express their appearance before acting towards the society.
This sentence effectively restates your main argument and calls for a balance between self-expression and societal values.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved to strengthen your argument and clarity. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary related to opinions, character traits, and societal trends could enhance the overall impact of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| fasion | fashion | Spelling error. |
| worth to have | worthy of having | Grammatical inaccuracy and clarity. |
| judge by | judged by | Grammatical consistency with passive voice. |
| good manners | good manner | Contextual accuracy; 'manner' is more appropriate in singular form when referring to behavior. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
fashionable 4 times | stylish, trendy, chic, in vogue |
appearance 3 times | look, exterior, outward form |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| superficial Existing or occurring at or on the surface; not having deep meaning or significance. | Existing or occurring at or on the surface; not having deep meaning or significance. |
| materialistic Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. | Excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented. |
| express oneself To convey or articulate one's thoughts or feelings. | To convey or articulate one's thoughts or feelings. |
| societal norms Rules that a society uses for appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. | Rules that a society uses for appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. |
| identity The qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person or group. | The qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person or group. |
Out of Context
impact on public society
Corrected Sentence:
impact on society
impact on society
Referring to the impact of fashion on society.
consume lots of money from individuals
Corrected Sentence:
cost individuals a lot of money
cost individuals a lot of money
Describing the financial behavior of individuals.
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Your essay has a foundation in basic grammar, but there are several areas that need improvement. Issues such as run-on sentences, awkward phrasing, and misspellings detract from the overall quality. Focusing on sentence structure and proofreading for spelling and punctuation will significantly enhance your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of sentence structure, but lacks variety and complexity. Most sentences follow simple constructions, which can make your essay less engaging.
Bad Example(s)
Some people think that, being fashionable means they are worth to have a good manners and character.
This sentence is awkwardly constructed and could be more concise and clear.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct throughout the essay. However, there are instances where tense consistency could be improved to enhance clarity.
Grammatical Errors
Some people think that increase in the importance of fasion is the best way to determine one's identity however, they believe it is a positive developement which allows individuals to express their uniqueness.
Correction:
Some people think that the increasing importance of fashion is the best way to determine one's identity; however, they believe it is a positive development that allows individuals to express their uniqueness.
Some people think that the increasing importance of fashion is the best way to determine one's identity; however, they believe it is a positive development that allows individuals to express their uniqueness.
This sentence contains run-on errors, misspellings ('fasion', 'developement'), and lacks clarity.
For example, middle class families earning low income but they choose to be a good-looking to judge by others .
Correction:
For example, middle-class families, despite earning a low income, choose to look good to be judged by others.
For example, middle-class families, despite earning a low income, choose to look good to be judged by others.
The original sentence is awkwardly structured, contains unnecessary spaces, and lacks coherence.