Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Advantage/Disadvantage Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Discuss the potential positive and negative effects of implementing policies to provide financial incentives for students to participate in educational travel programs.
I wanted to write something but I never knew if I could write it successfully or not. This is my first attempt at writing evaluation for IELTS writing task and this seems a daunting task. However, with help of you as my mentor, I am planning to get absolutely stunning results by following your feedback with each and every steps. Can you kindly confirm if I am eligible for getting a good marks for my essay?
You may be wondering, why I am writing this essay as an excuse instead of answering my question for getting good bads. So things are as of now have changed. IELTS now doesn't care if I am good with my topical knowledge or richness or vastness of my vocabulary but it goes a step back and forth by looking concepts behind my overall english language usage as a medium. Since I am writing in fluent english (I hope so!) and I am conveying my message it will do the job.
Why this change from IELTS? well, they thought it as first principle. Why do they need essay? Just to check if candidate is able to communicate in written task in English langauge or not? Well a step ahead, they want to ensure that candidate understand and utilise English as a medium properly which will further help those countries who are seeking right candidates who speak and understands their language and they'll be able to get good outcomes out of this compared to people who are weak in communication.
You may be wondering, why I am writing this essay as an excuse instead of answering my question for getting good bads. So things are as of now have changed. IELTS now doesn't care if I am good with my topical knowledge or richness or vastness of my vocabulary but it goes a step back and forth by looking concepts behind my overall english language usage as a medium. Since I am writing in fluent english (I hope so!) and I am conveying my message it will do the job.
Why this change from IELTS? well, they thought it as first principle. Why do they need essay? Just to check if candidate is able to communicate in written task in English langauge or not? Well a step ahead, they want to ensure that candidate understand and utilise English as a medium properly which will further help those countries who are seeking right candidates who speak and understands their language and they'll be able to get good outcomes out of this compared to people who are weak in communication.
Submitted on March 15, 2024 at 7:34 AM
Overall Evaluation
3 Bands
Your essay does not address the question provided about the potential positive and negative effects of implementing policies to provide financial incentives for students to participate in educational travel programs. Instead, you have written about your concerns and thoughts on the IELTS writing task itself. To improve your score, it is crucial to directly answer the question asked. Focus on structuring your essay with an introduction that paraphrases the question, body paragraphs that discuss the positive and negative effects, and a conclusion that summarizes your views. Additionally, demonstrating a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures related to the topic will help. Remember, clarity of argument and relevance to the task are key components of a high-scoring IELTS essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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3
Coherence & Cohesion
2 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay lacks a clear structure and fails to directly address the question about the effects of financial incentives for educational travel. Band: 2.0
Bad Sentence(s)
I wanted to write something but I never knew if I could write it successfully or not.
Corrected Sentence:
This essay discusses the potential positive and negative effects of financial incentives for students participating in educational travel programs.
This essay discusses the potential positive and negative effects of financial incentives for students participating in educational travel programs.
Start with a clear introduction that addresses the question.
Why this change from IELTS?
Corrected Sentence:
Implementing policies to provide financial incentives for educational travel has both potential benefits and drawbacks.
Implementing policies to provide financial incentives for educational travel has both potential benefits and drawbacks.
Maintain focus on the essay topic rather than discussing the IELTS examination's purpose.
Suggestions
Focus on creating a clear introduction, body paragraphs that address specific points, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Paragraphing
Your essay does not have clear paragraphing or structure, making it difficult to follow. Band: 2.0
Bad Sentence(s)
So things are as of now have changed.
Corrected Sentence:
Currently, the emphasis has shifted towards evaluating English proficiency through practical usage.
Currently, the emphasis has shifted towards evaluating English proficiency through practical usage.
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is structured around that idea.
Suggestions
Organize your essay into paragraphs with clear themes: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing positive and negative effects, and a conclusion. Use a blank line to separate paragraphs for clarity.
Cohesive Devices
Your essay shows an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are not always used effectively to link ideas and paragraphs. Band: 3.0
Bad Sentence(s)
IELTS now doesn't care if I am good with my topical knowledge or richness or vastness of my vocabulary but it goes a step back and forth by looking concepts behind my overall english language usage as a medium.
Corrected Sentence:
IELTS focuses not only on the breadth of vocabulary but also on the ability to use English effectively as a medium of communication.
IELTS focuses not only on the breadth of vocabulary but also on the ability to use English effectively as a medium of communication.
Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and clarify your argument.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by practicing linking sentences and ideas more clearly. Use conjunctions, pronouns, and transition words to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Topic Sentences
Your essay lacks clear topic sentences that directly address the question about the positive and negative effects of financial incentives for educational travel. Topic sentences are crucial for structuring your essay and making your arguments clear to the reader.
Bad Sentence(s)
I wanted to write something but I never knew if I could write it successfully or not.
Corrected Sentence:
Implementing financial incentives for educational travel can have significant benefits, including increased cultural awareness and academic motivation among students.
Implementing financial incentives for educational travel can have significant benefits, including increased cultural awareness and academic motivation among students.
Start with a clear statement about the potential benefits or drawbacks of the policy.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start each paragraph with a sentence that introduces the main idea or argument of the paragraph. Make sure it directly addresses aspects of the essay question.
Counter Points
Your essay does not effectively handle contrasting viewpoints. It is essential to acknowledge and refute counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Bad Sentence(s)
So things are as of now have changed.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that financial incentives could lead to dependency, it is also important to consider the long-term educational benefits they provide.
While some may argue that financial incentives could lead to dependency, it is also important to consider the long-term educational benefits they provide.
Clarify and directly address a potential counterargument to your main point.
Suggestions
To better address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge potential criticisms of your viewpoint and provide evidence or reasoning to refute them. This will make your argument more robust and persuasive.
Task Achievement
2 Bands
Overall, your essay does not meet the task requirements as it does not discuss the potential positive and negative effects of financial incentives for educational travel programs. It's crucial to directly address the essay question, develop a clear argument, provide supporting details, and conclude effectively.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your essay does not directly address the question about the potential positive and negative effects of implementing policies for educational travel programs. It's essential to focus on the specific topic given.
Bad Example(s)
I wanted to write something but I never knew if I could write it successfully or not.
This sentence does not contribute to answering the question.
Development of Position
Your argument or position on the topic is not clear. A clear stance on the potential impacts of financial incentives for educational travel is needed.
Bad Example(s)
IELTS now doesn't care if I am good with my topical knowledge or richness or vastness of my vocabulary but it goes a step back and forth by looking concepts behind my overall english language usage as a medium.
This sentence does not develop a position related to the essay question.
Supporting Details
The essay lacks specific examples and supporting details related to the effects of financial incentives for educational travel.
Conclusion
A conclusion was not provided that summarized your stance or the potential impacts of the policy on educational travel programs.
Lexical Resources
4.5 Bands
Your essay does not directly address the question posed about the potential positive and negative effects of implementing policies for educational travel programs. Instead, you've discussed the rationale behind the IELTS's focus on English proficiency. For a higher band score, it's crucial to directly tackle the essay question, providing specific examples and arguments. Your English fluency is evident, but the essay's content strays from the task's requirements.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| good bads | good bands | Typographical error; 'bands' is the correct term for scoring in IELTS. |
| langauge | language | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
IELTS 3 times | the test, this examination |
essay 4 times | writing task, assignment |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| articulate Able to express thoughts and ideas clearly and effectively. | Able to express thoughts and ideas clearly and effectively. |
| coherence Logical and consistent connection of ideas. | Logical and consistent connection of ideas. |
| relevance The quality of being closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand. | The quality of being closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand. |
| elucidate Make (something) clear; explain. | Make (something) clear; explain. |
Grammatical Range
3.5 Bands
Your grammar needs significant improvement. Issues such as incorrect capitalization, misuse of tenses, and a lack of sentence variety detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Focusing on these areas will help improve your overall grammar proficiency.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay lacks the complexity and variety expected at the IELTS level. Most sentences are structured similarly, which makes your essay monotonous and does not demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.
Bad Example(s)
I wanted to write something but I never knew if I could write it successfully or not.
This sentence is overly long and could be more concise. It also lacks complexity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is inconsistent. The essay does not maintain a consistent tense, which can confuse readers about the timing of the discussed actions.
Bad Example(s)
IELTS now doesn't care if I am good with my topical knowledge or richness or vastness of my vocabulary but it goes a step back and forth by looking concepts behind my overall english language usage as a medium.
The shift from present to past tense is confusing and incorrect in this context.
Grammatical Errors
english language
Correction:
English language
English language
English should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
good bads
Correction:
good bands
good bands
'Bads' is incorrect in this context. The correct term is 'bands', referring to IELTS score levels.