Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that the increase in international tourism is leading to more cultural understanding between countries, while others argue that it results in cultural homogenization and loss. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays plethora of people like to explore all around the world. While some think that it leads to cultural homogenization and loss. I believe that it improves the mutual understanding between two cultural communities. I agree with the latter notion and lets discuss in coming paragraph.
To begin with, everyone like to explore the world with peace and relaxation, while exploring people can understand other cultural behaviours and their activities. International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era, and they realize that it is important to know about the other cultural programs.For instance, many youtubers travel all around the world and they create blogs about their experience of other cultural activities, from this some people learn to explore the world through tourism additionally survey says that India is the leading tourist place because people from other countries come to explore various food, culturals activities, and more places.
On the other hand, some argue that tourism creates misunderstanding between communities because they think that it leads to homogenization and loss in cultural activities. While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.For example, reports says that some countries such as Iraq, Egypt, and Pakistan banned to visit their provinces it makes sense that tourism is not worth to explore places.
In conclusion,although the consequence of exploring will lead to losses between countries, I believe that tourism is the best option to understand other cultural programs and improves relationship among two countries.
To begin with, everyone like to explore the world with peace and relaxation, while exploring people can understand other cultural behaviours and their activities. International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era, and they realize that it is important to know about the other cultural programs.For instance, many youtubers travel all around the world and they create blogs about their experience of other cultural activities, from this some people learn to explore the world through tourism additionally survey says that India is the leading tourist place because people from other countries come to explore various food, culturals activities, and more places.
On the other hand, some argue that tourism creates misunderstanding between communities because they think that it leads to homogenization and loss in cultural activities. While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.For example, reports says that some countries such as Iraq, Egypt, and Pakistan banned to visit their provinces it makes sense that tourism is not worth to explore places.
In conclusion,although the consequence of exploring will lead to losses between countries, I believe that tourism is the best option to understand other cultural programs and improves relationship among two countries.
Submitted on June 21, 2024 at 4:52 AM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is good. You have structured your essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is appropriate for the IELTS Task 2 essay format. However, there are several areas that could be improved to achieve a higher band score. Firstly, your introduction could be more engaging and provide a clearer overview of the arguments you will discuss. Secondly, your essay would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of how international tourism can lead to cultural understanding. Additionally, your argument would be stronger if you addressed the counterargument more thoroughly, explaining why you believe the benefits of international tourism outweigh the potential for cultural homogenization. There are also some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout your essay that could be corrected to improve clarity and coherence. Finally, ensure you are concluding your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly. Working on these aspects could significantly improve your essay's effectiveness and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
Your essay shows an attempt at coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and progression of ideas. However, there are areas for improvement. The transition between paragraphs could be smoother to better guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, some of your examples lack detail and do not fully support your points. Including more specific examples and ensuring each paragraph directly supports your thesis will improve coherence. Also, work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear stance and attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, which is good. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence and impact.
Good Sentence(s)
International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era.
This sentence effectively highlights the positive impact of international tourism on cultural understanding.
Bad Sentence(s)
While some think that it leads to cultural homogenization and loss. I believe that it improves the mutual understanding between two cultural communities.
Corrected Sentence:
While some think that it leads to cultural homogenization and loss, I believe that it actually improves the mutual understanding between two cultural communities.
While some think that it leads to cultural homogenization and loss, I believe that it actually improves the mutual understanding between two cultural communities.
Combine these sentences for smoother flow and clarity.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start by outlining your main points before you begin writing. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, which is good. However, some paragraphs could be more focused to strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
On the other hand, some argue that tourism creates misunderstanding between communities because they think that it leads to homogenization and loss in cultural activities.
Corrected Sentence:
On the other hand, critics argue that tourism can create misunderstandings between communities, as it sometimes leads to the homogenization of unique cultural identities and a loss in distinct cultural activities.
On the other hand, critics argue that tourism can create misunderstandings between communities, as it sometimes leads to the homogenization of unique cultural identities and a loss in distinct cultural activities.
Clarify and expand on this point to make the paragraph more compelling.
Suggestions
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and use clear, concise sentences to support that idea. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next with appropriate transitional phrases.
Cohesive Devices
You have made some use of cohesive devices, but there is room for improvement in their variety and effectiveness.
Bad Sentence(s)
While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.
Corrected Sentence:
Furthermore, while exploring the world, some countries restrict tourism to protect their precious heritages.
Furthermore, while exploring the world, some countries restrict tourism to protect their precious heritages.
Use a cohesive device to better link this idea with the previous discussion.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a variety of transitions such as 'furthermore', 'however', 'for instance', and 'in conclusion'. Also, ensure that these devices are used to clearly connect ideas between and within paragraphs.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear indication of the direction of your paragraphs, but they could be improved by being more specific and directly addressing the essay question.
Good Sentence(s)
International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era, and they realize that it is important to know about the other cultural programs.
This sentence effectively introduces the idea that tourism fosters mutual understanding and learning between cultures.
Bad Sentence(s)
On the other hand, some argue that tourism creates misunderstanding between communities because they think that it leads to homogenization and loss in cultural activities.
Corrected Sentence:
However, critics argue that international tourism often leads to cultural homogenization, diluting unique traditions and creating misunderstandings between communities.
However, critics argue that international tourism often leads to cultural homogenization, diluting unique traditions and creating misunderstandings between communities.
Clarify the specific aspects of cultural homogenization and loss, and introduce a clearer contrast to the previous argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start by directly addressing the essay question. Make sure each topic sentence clearly states the main idea of the paragraph and how it relates to your overall argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure the relevance of each topic sentence to the argument or counterargument you're presenting.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, but the handling of these counterpoints lacks depth and specificity. Providing more detailed examples and a thorough analysis of the opposing view would strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.
Corrected Sentence:
Some countries restrict access to their cultural heritages, fearing that excessive tourism may lead to cultural dilution and loss, which underscores the complexity of how tourism affects cultural preservation.
Some countries restrict access to their cultural heritages, fearing that excessive tourism may lead to cultural dilution and loss, which underscores the complexity of how tourism affects cultural preservation.
Expand on this idea by explaining why these countries restrict access and how this supports the argument for or against tourism leading to cultural understanding.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, ensure you fully understand the opposing viewpoint and present it fairly. Use specific examples to illustrate the counterpoints, and then provide a detailed rebuttal or concession that directly relates to your thesis. This approach not only shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic but also strengthens your argument by addressing potential criticisms.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made a clear argument in favor of international tourism fostering cultural understanding. However, your essay would benefit from deeper analysis, more varied and detailed examples, and a stronger conclusion. Addressing the counterargument more thoroughly could also enhance your essay by showing a balanced view. Pay attention to sentence structure and clarity to avoid confusion.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You've addressed the question directly by stating your agreement with the idea that international tourism leads to greater cultural understanding. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of how this understanding contrasts with the risk of cultural homogenization.
Good example(s)
International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era.
This sentence effectively highlights the positive impact of tourism on cultural understanding.
Bad Example(s)
While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.
This sentence is confusing and detracts from your argument. It suggests a point that contradicts the main thesis without clear explanation or relevance.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but lacks depth. You've stated your position; however, the development of your argument would benefit from more detailed examples and a clearer exploration of opposing viewpoints.
Bad Example(s)
While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.
This sentence does not contribute to developing your position. It introduces a new idea without fully explaining or integrating it into your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the reference to YouTubers and India as a tourist destination, are relevant but need to be more detailed and specific to effectively support your argument. Including statistics, studies, or more concrete examples could strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
For instance, many YouTubers travel all around the world and they create blogs about their experience of other cultural activities.
This example is good because it shows a modern way people share and learn about cultures, supporting your point about cultural understanding.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your position but lacks a strong final punch. It could be improved by summarizing the key points made in your essay more clearly and presenting a more compelling final statement on the importance of cultural understanding through tourism.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, although the consequence of exploring will lead to losses between countries, I believe that tourism is the best option to understand other cultural programs and improves relationship among two countries.
This conclusion is weak because it introduces a new idea (losses between countries) without having discussed it thoroughly in the essay. It also misses the opportunity to strongly reassert the main argument.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, yet it could benefit from more precise and varied language to strengthen your argument and clarity. Incorporating a wider range of lexical resources could help to more effectively convey your points and enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| plethora of people like | many people enjoy | 'Plethora' implies an excessive amount, which may not be suitable in this context. |
| lets discuss | let's discuss | Missing apostrophe in contraction for 'let us'. |
| everyone like to explore | everyone likes to explore | Subject-verb agreement error. |
| culturals activities | cultural activities | Incorrect form of 'cultural'. It should not be pluralized in this context. |
| blogs | vlogs | Given the context of video content, 'vlogs' is the correct term. |
| reports says | reports say | Subject-verb agreement error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
explore 5 times | discover, visit, travel to, experience |
cultural 4 times | ethnic, traditional, societal |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| mutual understanding A shared sense of empathy or agreement between parties. | A shared sense of empathy or agreement between parties. |
| cultural homogenization The process by which local cultures are transformed or absorbed by a dominant outside culture. | The process by which local cultures are transformed or absorbed by a dominant outside culture. |
| heritages Valued objects and qualities such as historic buildings and cultural traditions that have been passed down from previous generations. | Valued objects and qualities such as historic buildings and cultural traditions that have been passed down from previous generations. |
| global era A period characterized by worldwide interconnectedness and the global spread of cultures and technologies. | A period characterized by worldwide interconnectedness and the global spread of cultures and technologies. |
| vlogs Video blogs, where individuals post videos of their experiences and thoughts online. | Video blogs, where individuals post videos of their experiences and thoughts online. |
Out of Context
survive in this crucial era
Corrected Sentence:
thrive or coexist in this global era
thrive or coexist in this global era
While discussing the impact of tourism on cultural understanding.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay shows an understanding of basic grammar rules, but there are several areas that need attention. Issues such as punctuation, article usage, and subject-verb agreement detract from the overall quality. Focusing on these areas can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in complexity and variety to enhance readability and coherence.
Good example(s)
International tourism is the best way to improve a relationship between two countries and they learn how to survive in this crucial era.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity, showing an attempt to create complex sentence structures.
Bad Example(s)
Nowadays plethora of people like to explore all around the world.
The phrase 'plethora of people' is awkwardly used and the sentence lacks complexity.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent, with a good attempt at maintaining the present simple tense to discuss general truths and opinions. However, attention to detail is required to avoid minor slips.
Bad Example(s)
While exploring world, some countries won't allow tourism to reveal their precious heritages.
The shift from general present tense to future tense ('won't allow') is slightly awkward and could be more smoothly integrated.
Grammatical Errors
Nowadays plethora of people like to explore all around the world.
Correction:
Nowadays, a plethora of people like to explore all around the world.
Nowadays, a plethora of people like to explore all around the world.
Comma needed after 'Nowadays' for correct punctuation, and 'a' before 'plethora' for correct article usage.
lets discuss in coming paragraph.
Correction:
Let's discuss in the coming paragraphs.
Let's discuss in the coming paragraphs.
Missing apostrophe in 'Let's' for contraction of 'let us' and 'the' before 'coming' for proper article usage.
everyone like to explore the world
Correction:
everyone likes to explore the world
everyone likes to explore the world
Subject-verb agreement error; 'everyone' is singular and needs the singular verb 'likes'.