Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: The primary focus of the criminal justice system should be on rehabilitation rather than punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, crimes are reduced due to the punishments established by the government. However, the criminal justice system should mainly focus on rehabilitation them into society rather than punishing the lawbreakers. I completely agree with this notion because rehabilitation will reintegrate the criminals by good personalities once they leave from prison life.
To begin with, crimes are committed by individuals due to the lack of education and social services, furthermore the minor drugs cases also have a severe punishments which leads to the overcrowd in the prison. Although, the justice system should analyze the situation and need to collect the evidences before implementing the penalty to the lawbreakers. Additionally, promoting severe punishment towards minor cases can create an negative impact of ruling authority on society.
On the other hand, I certainly believe that focusing on rehabilitation rather than penalty is the best option to reduce the high rate of recidivism. The justice system should provide the education, vocational training, and psychological support to prisoners in order to reintegrate into society . Secondly, revising sentencing laws , especially for non-violent and minor drug offenses, could significantly reduce the punishments. Thirdly, by rehabilitation process the individuals have the chance to restart their new life by good thoughts, serving to community with good manner, and so on. For instance, introduction of alternative laws such as community service, probation, or house arrest for minor offenses could alleviate the severe punishments.
In conclusion, although penalty for crimes by justice system may have significant effect on criminals, I believe that rehabilitation is the best approach to reduce the punishment for minor offenses and it saves the offenders life from punishments.
To begin with, crimes are committed by individuals due to the lack of education and social services, furthermore the minor drugs cases also have a severe punishments which leads to the overcrowd in the prison. Although, the justice system should analyze the situation and need to collect the evidences before implementing the penalty to the lawbreakers. Additionally, promoting severe punishment towards minor cases can create an negative impact of ruling authority on society.
On the other hand, I certainly believe that focusing on rehabilitation rather than penalty is the best option to reduce the high rate of recidivism. The justice system should provide the education, vocational training, and psychological support to prisoners in order to reintegrate into society . Secondly, revising sentencing laws , especially for non-violent and minor drug offenses, could significantly reduce the punishments. Thirdly, by rehabilitation process the individuals have the chance to restart their new life by good thoughts, serving to community with good manner, and so on. For instance, introduction of alternative laws such as community service, probation, or house arrest for minor offenses could alleviate the severe punishments.
In conclusion, although penalty for crimes by justice system may have significant effect on criminals, I believe that rehabilitation is the best approach to reduce the punishment for minor offenses and it saves the offenders life from punishments.
Submitted on June 28, 2024 at 8:41 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay presents a clear argument in favor of rehabilitation over punishment within the criminal justice system, effectively addressing the question. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore different aspects of the argument, and a concise conclusion that reiterates your stance. However, there are areas for improvement. Firstly, your essay would benefit from more detailed examples and evidence to support your claims, which would make your argument more persuasive. Additionally, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined to improve readability and coherence. Paying attention to sentence structure and varying your vocabulary could also enhance the quality of your writing. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your argument with more evidence and improving the technical aspects of your writing could increase its impact.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument for rehabilitation over punishment. However, coherence could be improved by more effectively linking ideas between paragraphs and within them. For instance, transitions between acknowledging the role of punishment and arguing for rehabilitation could be smoother. Additionally, providing specific examples or evidence to support your claims would enhance the cohesion of your argument by making the progression of ideas more logical and easier to follow.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a clear stance and follows a logical sequence of ideas, supporting the argument for rehabilitation over punishment. The progression from introduction to conclusion is smooth, with each paragraph building upon the previous one to strengthen your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, I certainly believe that focusing on rehabilitation rather than penalty is the best option to reduce the high rate of recidivism.
This sentence effectively transitions the discussion towards the benefits of rehabilitation, marking a clear shift in your argumentation and enhancing the essay's logical flow.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph opens with a clear topic sentence that signals its main idea. Additionally, use more explicit transition phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The structure supports the essay's overall coherence and readability.
Good Sentence(s)
The justice system should provide the education, vocational training, and psychological support to prisoners in order to reintegrate into society.
This sentence effectively encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph, clearly outlining the rehabilitative measures you are advocating for.
Suggestions
For even more focused and coherent paragraphs, consider developing each paragraph around a single idea with more detailed examples and evidence. This will enhance clarity and provide stronger support for your argument.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices effectively links ideas and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for more varied and sophisticated use of these devices.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' and 'Consequently.' This will help to vary your language and make the connections between ideas even clearer.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally establish the direction of each paragraph effectively, indicating a focus on rehabilitation over punishment in the criminal justice system.
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, I certainly believe that focusing on rehabilitation rather than penalty is the best option to reduce the high rate of recidivism.
This sentence clearly introduces the paragraph's focus on rehabilitation's benefits over punishment, directly addressing the essay question.
Bad Sentence(s)
Nowadays, crimes are reduced due to the punishments established by the government.
Corrected Sentence:
While it is perceived that government-imposed punishments have reduced crime rates, the criminal justice system should prioritize rehabilitation to ensure lasting societal integration.
While it is perceived that government-imposed punishments have reduced crime rates, the criminal justice system should prioritize rehabilitation to ensure lasting societal integration.
Clarify the connection between the topic sentence and the essay's thesis on rehabilitation's importance.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement that reflects the main argument of the paragraph. Ensure it directly addresses aspects of the essay question and guides the reader through your argument's progression.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints by acknowledging the role of punishment in reducing crime rates before arguing for rehabilitation. However, the counterpoints could be developed further to strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Although, the justice system should analyze the situation and need to collect the evidences before implementing the penalty to the lawbreakers.
Corrected Sentence:
Although punishment can act as a deterrent, the justice system must thoroughly analyze each case and consider rehabilitation as a more effective solution for integrating lawbreakers back into society.
Although punishment can act as a deterrent, the justice system must thoroughly analyze each case and consider rehabilitation as a more effective solution for integrating lawbreakers back into society.
Rephrase to more effectively introduce a counterpoint or contrasting viewpoint.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge the validity of opposing viewpoints directly and provide evidence or reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more beneficial solution. Use transitional phrases to smoothly introduce counterpoints and rebuttals.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task well by clearly stating and supporting your position on the importance of rehabilitation over punishment in the criminal justice system. To further improve, consider incorporating more detailed examples and statistics to support your arguments, address potential counterarguments to strengthen your position, and refine your conclusion to make a more compelling final statement. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your argumentation.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have clearly understood the question and provided a direct answer to whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Your position is clear throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
I completely agree with this notion because rehabilitation will reintegrate the criminals by good personalities once they leave from prison life.
This sentence effectively states your position and introduces the main idea of the essay.
Development of Position
Your argument is coherent and progresses logically. However, it could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments more directly and providing more detailed examples.
Good example(s)
The justice system should provide the education, vocational training, and psychological support to prisoners in order to reintegrate into society.
This sentence effectively outlines how rehabilitation can be implemented, supporting your argument.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but lack depth. Expanding on how these rehabilitation measures have been successful or could be implemented would enhance your argument.
Good example(s)
For instance, introduction of alternative laws such as community service, probation, or house arrest for minor offenses could alleviate the severe punishments.
This provides a concrete example of how rehabilitation could be prioritized over punishment.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main points but could be more impactful by summarizing how rehabilitation benefits both the individual and society more broadly.
Good example(s)
I believe that rehabilitation is the best approach to reduce the punishment for minor offenses and it saves the offenders life from punishments.
This sentence effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your position.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of criminal justice, focusing on rehabilitation over punishment. However, there are areas where lexical precision could be improved to make your arguments more compelling and your message clearer.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| rehabilitation them | rehabilitating them | Grammatical accuracy; 'rehabilitation' is a noun, but a verb form is required here. |
| good personalities | positive characteristics | Clarity and precision; 'positive characteristics' more accurately describes the change intended. |
| promoting severe punishment | imposing severe punishment | Accuracy; 'imposing' is the correct term for applying penalties. |
| an negative impact | a negative impact | Grammar; 'a' should be used before consonant sounds. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
punishment 5 times | penalty, sanctions, corrective measures |
rehabilitation 4 times | reintegration, reform, recovery |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| recidivism The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. | The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. |
| vocational training Education or training that prepares individuals for specific trades, crafts, or careers at various levels from a trade, a craft, technician, or a professional position. | Education or training that prepares individuals for specific trades, crafts, or careers at various levels from a trade, a craft, technician, or a professional position. |
| reintegrate The process of incorporating someone back into society. | The process of incorporating someone back into society. |
| non-violent offenses Crimes that do not involve the use of any force or injury to another person. | Crimes that do not involve the use of any force or injury to another person. |
| sentencing laws Legislation that sets out the punishments for specific crimes. | Legislation that sets out the punishments for specific crimes. |
Out of Context
reduced due to
Corrected Sentence:
reduced because of
reduced because of
Discussing the impact of punishment versus rehabilitation.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay contains several grammatical errors that impact its clarity and professionalism. Paying closer attention to verb forms, article usage, and pluralization will significantly improve your writing. Additionally, watch out for unnecessary spaces and ensure proper preposition usage to enhance readability.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at varied sentence structures, but there's room for improvement in complexity and clarity. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the overall flow and readability.
Good example(s)
The justice system should provide the education, vocational training, and psychological support to prisoners in order to reintegrate into society.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas through the use of commas and coordinating conjunctions, showing a good structure.
Bad Example(s)
Although, the justice system should analyze the situation and need to collect the evidences before implementing the penalty to the lawbreakers.
The use of 'Although' at the beginning of this sentence is incorrect because it's not followed by a clause that can stand alone. Removing 'Although,' or restructuring the sentence, would improve its structure.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the essay's analytical and argumentative nature. However, ensuring tense consistency throughout could further strengthen your argument.
Grammatical Errors
crimes are reduced due to the punishments established by the government.
Correction:
crimes have been reduced due to the punishments established by the government.
crimes have been reduced due to the punishments established by the government.
Using the present perfect tense ('have been reduced') is more appropriate here because it indicates an action that occurred in the past with relevance to the present.
rehabilitation them into society
Correction:
rehabilitating them into society
rehabilitating them into society
The verb 'rehabilitate' should be in its gerund form ('rehabilitating') to fit the structure of the sentence.
the minor drugs cases also have a severe punishments
Correction:
the minor drug cases also have severe punishments
the minor drug cases also have severe punishments
Both 'drugs' and 'punishments' should not be plural in this context; 'drug' should be singular to match 'cases', and 'punishments' should be singular to match 'have'.
promoting severe punishment towards minor cases can create an negative impact
Correction:
promoting severe punishment for minor cases can create a negative impact
promoting severe punishment for minor cases can create a negative impact
Remove the extra space between 'promoting' and 'severe'. Also, 'an' should be 'a' before words that start with a consonant sound.