Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree that playing sports and traditional games is more beneficial for children than spending time on electronic devices?
In this digital era, most of the children spends their leisure time in digital devices rather than playing outside with peers. I completely agree with this notion because playing sports and traditional games can boost the physical and mental well-being of youngters.
To begin with, spending more time on digital devices such as mobile phones, laptops, and computers has detrimental effect on the health of people, especially on youngsters. while wasting the time on screen, it cause various health problems like eye strains, heart diseases, obesity and furthermore they tends to isolate themselves from their families and friends. By using these devices children may become lazy and they alleviate their daily activities of doing homework. For instance, a survey says that around 75 percent of children in globe are addicted to the smart devices and it also reduces their thinking ability on studies which leadsthem to lower the overall performance in academic results.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that playing outdoor games have more benefits for children which can help to improve the life skills and physical health. By playing outside they can understand the feelings of others and reduce the mental disorders like stress, depression, and anxiety. Also parents should make awareness about the electronic devices and motivate their kids to spend time on outside activities, thus it fosters the knowlegde that can give the better results in education. For example, in United States, recent days youngsters shows their interest in traditional games over the electronic devices. As a result, it has positive improvement which helps them to maintain their health condition at good level.
In conclusion, I certainly think that outdoor games and traditional sports have more benefits for children to improve their physical well-being, while digital devices are just time skipping tool which doesn't have any positive impact on youngers. So I believe that parents should take care of their kids and make some awareness about the cause of the smart devices.
To begin with, spending more time on digital devices such as mobile phones, laptops, and computers has detrimental effect on the health of people, especially on youngsters. while wasting the time on screen, it cause various health problems like eye strains, heart diseases, obesity and furthermore they tends to isolate themselves from their families and friends. By using these devices children may become lazy and they alleviate their daily activities of doing homework. For instance, a survey says that around 75 percent of children in globe are addicted to the smart devices and it also reduces their thinking ability on studies which leadsthem to lower the overall performance in academic results.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that playing outdoor games have more benefits for children which can help to improve the life skills and physical health. By playing outside they can understand the feelings of others and reduce the mental disorders like stress, depression, and anxiety. Also parents should make awareness about the electronic devices and motivate their kids to spend time on outside activities, thus it fosters the knowlegde that can give the better results in education. For example, in United States, recent days youngsters shows their interest in traditional games over the electronic devices. As a result, it has positive improvement which helps them to maintain their health condition at good level.
In conclusion, I certainly think that outdoor games and traditional sports have more benefits for children to improve their physical well-being, while digital devices are just time skipping tool which doesn't have any positive impact on youngers. So I believe that parents should take care of their kids and make some awareness about the cause of the smart devices.
Submitted on July 2, 2024 at 5:22 PM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, presenting a clear argument that playing sports and traditional games is more beneficial for children than spending time on electronic devices. Your introduction sets up the argument well, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points. However, there are several areas for improvement. Firstly, pay attention to spelling and grammar errors ('youngsters' instead of 'youngters', 'leads them' instead of 'leadsthem', and proper use of spaces and punctuation). These mistakes can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Additionally, your argument would be strengthened by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. While you mention a survey, offering detailed statistics or findings would make your argument more convincing. Also, consider varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and engagement. Lastly, ensure that your essay maintains a formal tone throughout and avoid generalizations without evidence. Overall, with some revisions for clarity, accuracy, and depth, your essay has the potential to achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument coherently. The progression from stating the issue to providing specific examples and concluding with your stance is logical. However, the flow between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Overall, your organization supports your argument effectively. Band: 7.0
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, I firmly believe that playing outdoor games have more benefits for children which can help to improve the life skills and physical health.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing the negatives of digital device usage to the positives of outdoor play, maintaining a clear and logical progression.
Bad Sentence(s)
while wasting the time on screen, it cause various health problems like eye strains, heart diseases, obesity and furthermore they tends to isolate themselves from their families and friends.
Corrected Sentence:
Spending excessive time on screens can cause various health problems, such as eye strain, heart disease, and obesity, and can lead to increased isolation from family and friends.
Spending excessive time on screens can cause various health problems, such as eye strain, heart disease, and obesity, and can lead to increased isolation from family and friends.
Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use clear topic sentences to introduce the paragraph's main idea and provide specific examples to support your points. Transition words and phrases can also help to connect ideas more smoothly.
Paragraphing
Your paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more detailed supporting evidence. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
To begin with, spending more time on digital devices such as mobile phones, laptops, and computers has detrimental effect on the health of people, especially on youngsters.
This sentence effectively introduces the paragraph topic, clearly indicating the focus on the negative effects of digital devices.
Suggestions
Improve paragraph focus by starting each with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Ensure all sentences within the paragraph directly support or elaborate on this idea. Use transitions to connect paragraphs logically.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices, such as transition words ('On the other hand,' 'For instance,') and pronouns ('they,' 'their'), generally helps to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there's room for more varied and precise use of these devices to enhance cohesion further. Band: 6.5
Good Sentence(s)
For instance, a survey says that around 75 percent of children in globe are addicted to the smart devices and it also reduces their thinking ability on studies which leads them to lower the overall performance in academic results.
The phrase 'For instance' effectively introduces a specific example to support the preceding general statement, enhancing the cohesion and coherence of the argument.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases that express contrast, cause and effect, and addition. Also, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to specific nouns to avoid ambiguity.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences effectively set the stage for the paragraphs that follow, clearly indicating your stance and the direction of your argument.
Good Sentence(s)
To begin with, spending more time on digital devices such as mobile phones, laptops, and computers has detrimental effect on the health of people, especially on youngsters.
This sentence effectively introduces the negative impacts of digital device usage, setting up a clear argument for the benefits of outdoor activities.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that playing outdoor games have more benefits for children which can help to improve the life skills and physical health.
It contrasts the previous points effectively, introducing the benefits of outdoor games clearly and concisely.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Use active voice and ensure the sentence provides a clear direction for the argument or discussion that follows.
Counter Points
You have made an attempt to address contrasting viewpoints by acknowledging the prevalence of digital device use among children but could further strengthen your essay by directly refuting common counterarguments.
Bad Sentence(s)
For instance, a survey says that around 75 percent of children in globe are addicted to the smart devices and it also reduces their thinking ability on studies which leadsthem to lower the overall performance in academic results.
Corrected Sentence:
While a survey indicates that around 75 percent of children globally are addicted to smart devices, leading to reduced academic performance, research also shows that engaging in traditional games enhances cognitive skills and academic achievements.
While a survey indicates that around 75 percent of children globally are addicted to smart devices, leading to reduced academic performance, research also shows that engaging in traditional games enhances cognitive skills and academic achievements.
Provide a direct counterpoint to this argument by contrasting it with evidence or examples of how traditional games can enhance cognitive skills and academic performance.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, acknowledge the opposing viewpoint clearly and then use evidence or logical reasoning to refute or weaken this argument. This can be achieved by presenting studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence that support the benefits of your stance over the counterpoint.
Task Achievement
6.5 Bands
Overall, you've done a good job of addressing the question and developing a coherent argument. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. Additionally, watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure clarity in your argumentation.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You did well in answering the question. Your essay clearly states your agreement with the notion that playing sports and traditional games is more beneficial for children than spending time on electronic devices.
Good example(s)
I completely agree with this notion because playing sports and traditional games can boost the physical and mental well-being of youngsters.
This sentence effectively introduces your stance and sets the tone for your argument.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and you've made your point strongly. You've effectively contrasted the negative effects of digital device use with the positive impacts of outdoor play.
Good example(s)
By playing outside they can understand the feelings of others and reduce the mental disorders like stress, depression, and anxiety.
This sentence effectively highlights the benefits of outdoor play, supporting your position well.
Supporting Details
Your examples and supporting details are relevant but could be strengthened with more specific studies or statistics to back up your claims.
Good example(s)
For instance, a survey says that around 75 percent of children in globe are addicted to the smart devices and it also reduces their thinking ability on studies which leads them to lower the overall performance in academic results.
This detail attempts to provide evidence for your argument, which is good, but citing the specific source of the survey would make it stronger.
Bad Example(s)
Also parents should make awareness about the electronic devices and motivate their kids to spend time on outside activities, thus it fosters the knowledge that can give the better results in education.
This sentence is vague and lacks a specific example or evidence to support the claim.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main point well but could be more impactful by summarizing key arguments or suggesting a call to action for parents or society.
Good example(s)
In conclusion, I certainly think that outdoor games and traditional sports have more benefits for children to improve their physical well-being, while digital devices are just time skipping tool which doesn't have any positive impact on youngers.
This sentence effectively summarizes your stance and the main points of your essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with mostly appropriate usage. However, there are instances of incorrect word choice and minor grammatical errors that affect the clarity of your message. Enhancing your lexical resource with varied vocabulary and paying attention to accuracy can further improve your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| youngsters | youngsters | Spelling mistake; should be 'youngsters'. |
| while wasting the time on screen, it cause | while wasting time on screens, it causes | Grammatical inaccuracy and clarity. |
| leadsthem | leads them | Typographical error. |
| knowlegde | knowledge | Spelling mistake. |
| youngers | youngsters | Incorrect term; 'youngsters' is the correct term. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
devices 5 times | gadgets, electronics, digital tools |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| detrimental Causing harm or damage. | Causing harm or damage. |
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity. | A way of life that involves little physical activity. |
| cognitive development The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem-solving, and decision-making, from childhood through adolescence to adulthood. | The construction of thought processes, including remembering, problem-solving, and decision-making, from childhood through adolescence to adulthood. |
| foster Encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good). | Encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good). |
| social cohesion The willingness of members of a society to cooperate with each other in order to survive and prosper. | The willingness of members of a society to cooperate with each other in order to survive and prosper. |
Out of Context
alleviate
Corrected Sentence:
neglect
neglect
By using these devices children may become lazy and they alleviate their daily activities of doing homework.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your essay shows a good attempt at structuring arguments and presenting ideas. However, there are several grammatical issues that need attention, particularly with subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Additionally, sentence fragments and inconsistent tense usage detract from the overall clarity and coherence of your writing. Focusing on these areas can significantly improve the quality of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at varying sentence structure, but there is room for improvement in complexity and variety to enhance readability and coherence.
Good example(s)
By playing outside they can understand the feelings of others and reduce the mental disorders like stress, depression, and anxiety.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity and uses a complex structure that enhances the argument.
Bad Example(s)
while wasting the time on screen, it cause various health problems like eye strains, heart diseases, obesity and furthermore they tends to isolate themselves from their families and friends.
This sentence is a fragment and lacks a clear subject, leading to confusion. It also improperly mixes tenses and could be clearer with a more structured approach.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is mostly consistent, but there are instances where incorrect tense usage disrupts the flow and clarity of your argument.
Bad Example(s)
while wasting the time on screen, it cause various health problems like eye strains, heart diseases, obesity and furthermore they tends to isolate themselves from their families and friends.
The shift from 'wasting' (present continuous) to 'cause' (simple present) and 'tends' (simple present) is inconsistent and grammatically incorrect. It should maintain a consistent tense to improve clarity.
Grammatical Errors
most of the children spends
Correction:
most of the children spend
most of the children spend
When referring to 'most of,' the verb should agree with the plural subject 'children.'
youngsters
Correction:
youngsters'
youngsters'
To show possession, an apostrophe followed by 's' is needed after 'youngsters.'
while wasting the time on screen, it cause
Correction:
while wasting time on screens, it causes
while wasting time on screens, it causes
Subject-verb agreement; 'it' as the subject takes 'causes' as the verb.
they tends
Correction:
they tend
they tend
Subject-verb agreement error; 'they' should be followed by 'tend' without 's.'
leadsthem
Correction:
leads them
leads them
Typographical error; words should be properly spaced.