Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Discussion Essay Submission

Essay Evaluation

Question: Some people argue that a vegetarian or vegan diet is the healthiest way to eat, while others believe that including meat and animal products in your diet is essential for good health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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We already know that food is an essential part of our lives. Many people think that a vegetarian or vegan diet is the healthiest way to eat however, I believe that food which includes meat and animal products are good for our health.
To begin with, some argue that vegetarian diets are good for our body and health. Opponents of non-vegetarian diets also argue that such foods can have a detrimental effect on health due to their high fat content, which may lead to heart disease and other health issues. In this modern era, many non-veg products including egg, meat, and chicken have been hybridized which cause many diseases towards human health that's why many people choose to maintain their diet with vegetarian foods. For example, eating fresh vegetables, and fruits such as apple, banana, carrot, and beetroot which stimulates our body functions and protect us from various health problems.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that consuming non-veg items and dairy product are good for human health because it contains high proteins and calories which helps to boost our body performance. Furthermore eating these products are better way to gain weight those who desire to get a perfect body shape, also some people think that it is important to consume meats and animal product for everyday activities. For instance, a report says that, 75% of healthier people are daily consuming animals products to prevents their body from health problems.
In conclusion, although vegetarian diet may be good for our health, I believe that eating meat and animal products is the best option to protect our health, futhermore it contains lot of nutrients and proteins compared to vegan products.
Submitted on June 24, 2024 at 9:45 AM
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Overall Evaluation

5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both views on diet preferences and clearly stating your own opinion, which is good. However, there are several areas that could be improved to enhance your score. Firstly, the introduction could be stronger by directly addressing the question and outlining the structure of your essay. Your arguments for both sides are presented, but they lack depth and specific examples to fully support your claims. Additionally, your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your conclusion. The conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well, but it could be enhanced by briefly acknowledging the opposing view to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Pay attention to your essay's coherence and cohesion; transitions between ideas could be smoother. Also, watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure variety in sentence structures to improve readability. Overall, your essay has a good foundation but focusing on these areas could help in achieving a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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Coherence & Cohesion

5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization

Your essay has a clear structure, presenting both views and your opinion. However, the flow between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Overall, your organization is good but can benefit from more explicit connections between points. Band: 6.5

Good Sentence(s)

For example, eating fresh vegetables, and fruits such as apple, banana, carrot, and beetroot which stimulates our body functions and protect us from various health problems.
This sentence effectively provides concrete examples to support the argument, making the claim more persuasive.

Bad Sentence(s)

For instance, a report says that, 75% of healthier people are daily consuming animals products to prevents their body from health problems.
Corrected Sentence:
For instance, according to a study by the National Health Institute, 75% of participants who consume animal products daily reported fewer health issues.
Clarify the source of the report and avoid generalizations to strengthen credibility.

Suggestions

To enhance logical progression, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Then, use supporting sentences to develop this idea and include a concluding sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main point and links to the overall argument of the essay.

Paragraphing

Your paragraphs are structured around central ideas, which is good. However, some paragraphs could be more focused, with clearer distinctions between the introduction of new ideas and the evidence supporting them. Band: 6.0

Bad Sentence(s)

On the other hand, I firmly believe that consuming non-veg items and dairy product are good for human health because it contains high proteins and calories which helps to boost our body performance.
Corrected Sentence:
On the other hand, I firmly believe that consuming non-veg items and dairy products is beneficial for human health. These foods contain high levels of proteins and calories, which help to boost our body's performance.
Split complex ideas into separate sentences for clarity and focus on one main idea per paragraph.

Suggestions

Focus on creating paragraphs that each discuss a single main idea. Use the first sentence to introduce the idea, follow with supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that ties the idea back to the essay's overall argument. This will create more focused and coherent paragraphs.

Cohesive Devices

Your use of cohesive devices, such as transition words ('however', 'for example', 'on the other hand'), is effective in linking ideas and paragraphs. However, varying your transitions and ensuring they accurately reflect the relationship between ideas could improve the essay's cohesion. Band: 6.5

Good Sentence(s)

To begin with, some argue that vegetarian diets are good for our body and health.
This sentence effectively introduces a new section of the argument, signaling a shift in focus in a clear manner.

Suggestions

Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety of transitions that not only show contrast ('however', 'on the other hand') but also addition ('furthermore', 'in addition'), cause and effect ('therefore', 'as a result'), and comparison ('similarly'). This will enhance the flow and clarity of your essay.

Topic Sentences

Your topic sentences provide a clear indication of the direction of each paragraph, but they could be more nuanced to better reflect the complexity of the argument.

Good Sentence(s)

On the other hand, I firmly believe that consuming non-veg items and dairy product are good for human health because it contains high proteins and calories which helps to boost our body performance.
This sentence effectively introduces your viewpoint and the paragraph's focus on the benefits of a non-vegetarian diet.

Bad Sentence(s)

We already know that food is an essential part of our lives.
Corrected Sentence:
The debate between a vegetarian and a non-vegetarian diet has been long-standing, with valid arguments on both sides.
Start with a more compelling topic sentence that directly addresses the essay question.

Suggestions

To write clear and impactful topic sentences, directly address the essay question and clearly state the main idea of the paragraph. Use these sentences to guide the reader through your argument, making sure each one builds on the last in a logical order.

Counter Points

You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, but your handling of these could be improved by providing more detailed evidence and a balanced discussion before stating your opinion.

Bad Sentence(s)

Opponents of non-vegetarian diets also argue that such foods can have a detrimental effect on health due to their high fat content, which may lead to heart disease and other health issues.
Corrected Sentence:
Studies have shown that diets high in certain animal fats can increase the risk of heart disease and other health issues, leading opponents of non-vegetarian diets to advocate for vegetarian options.
Provide specific studies or data to support this claim and discuss it more thoroughly to strengthen your argument.

Suggestions

To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge the strengths of the opposing viewpoint before presenting evidence that supports your own perspective. This approach shows that you have considered both sides of the argument and strengthens your position.

Task Achievement

5.5 Bands
Overall, you have made an attempt to address the task by discussing both sides and providing your opinion. However, your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion, deeper exploration of each viewpoint, and stronger, evidence-backed arguments. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in claims and providing sources would enhance the credibility of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question

You have addressed the question by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, the balance between discussing both sides could be improved to fully meet the task requirements.

Good example(s)

For example, eating fresh vegetables, and fruits such as apple, banana, carrot, and beetroot which stimulates our body functions and protect us from various health problems.
This sentence effectively uses a specific example to support the argument for a vegetarian diet.

Bad Example(s)

In this modern era, many non-veg products including egg, meat, and chicken have been hybridized which cause many diseases towards human health that's why many people choose to maintain their diet with vegetarian foods.
This sentence makes a broad claim without providing evidence or sources, weakening your argument.

Development of Position

Your position is clear but lacks depth in argumentation and exploration of the nuances between the two dietary choices.

Good example(s)

On the other hand, I firmly believe that consuming non-veg items and dairy product are good for human health because it contains high proteins and calories which helps to boost our body performance.
This sentence clearly states your position and provides a reason supporting it.

Bad Example(s)

For instance, a report says that, 75% of healthier people are daily consuming animals products to prevents their body from health problems.
This example lacks specificity and citation, making your argument less credible.

Supporting Details

Your examples are relevant but need to be backed up with more data, studies, or sources to strengthen your arguments.

Bad Example(s)

many non-veg products including egg, meat, and chicken have been hybridized which cause many diseases towards human health
This claim is unsupported and vague, lacking specificity or evidence.

Conclusion

Your conclusion restates your position but could be strengthened by summarizing the key points made in the essay more effectively.

Bad Example(s)

In conclusion, although vegetarian diet may be good for our health, I believe that eating meat and animal products is the best option to protect our health, furthermore it contains lot of nutrients and proteins compared to vegan products.
This conclusion is repetitive and does not effectively summarize the discussion or reinforce your argument.

Lexical Resources

6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though it could benefit from greater variety and precision in word choice to better express nuances in your argument. Some sentences could be enhanced by using more specific or advanced vocabulary to strengthen your points and make your essay more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements

Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.

Lexical Mistakes

MistakeCorrectionReason
futhermore furthermoreSpelling error.
non-veg non-vegetarianUse the full term for clarity and formality.

Repeated Words

Repeated WordsAlternative Words
health 5 times
well-being, fitness, condition
products 4 times
items, goods, commodities

Vocabulary Suggestions

Word Phrase
detrimental Tending to cause harm.
hybridized Crossbred; combining different varieties.
stimulates Encourages or arouses interest or enthusiasm.
proteins Essential nutrients used by the body for growth and repair.
nutrients Substances that provide nourishment essential for growth and the maintenance of life.

Grammatical Range

5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair understanding of grammar, but there are areas for improvement. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and avoiding spelling mistakes can significantly enhance your writing. Additionally, refining your sentence structure by breaking down complex ideas into more manageable sentences can improve clarity and coherence.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures

Your sentences show some variety in structure, but they could benefit from more complexity and variation to enhance readability and engagement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic.

Good example(s)

For example, eating fresh vegetables, and fruits such as apple, banana, carrot, and beetroot which stimulates our body functions and protect us from various health problems.
This sentence effectively uses a complex structure to provide a detailed example, enhancing your argument.

Bad Example(s)

Furthermore eating these products are better way to gain weight those who desire to get a perfect body shape, also some people think that it is important to consume meats and animal product for everyday activities.
This sentence is overly long and lacks clarity due to the absence of proper punctuation and conjunctions to separate ideas.

Tense Usage

Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, aligning with the essay's analytical and discursive nature. However, ensuring that tense usage accurately reflects time frames and actions can further improve clarity.

Grammatical Errors

futhermore
Correction:
furthermore
Misspelling of 'furthermore'.
eating these products are better way
Correction:
eating these products is a better way
Subject-verb agreement error and missing article before 'better way'.
75% of healthier people are daily consuming animals products
Correction:
75% of healthier people consume animal products daily
Awkward phrasing and pluralization error with 'animals products'.
protect us from various health problems
Correction:
protects us from various health problems
Subject-verb agreement error; 'which' as a relative pronoun singularizes the subject.