Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: The primary focus of the criminal justice system should be on rehabilitation rather than punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is often debated in masses that the main goal of criminal justice should be to provide the rehabilitation, not the punishment. I strongly disagree with this notion as it will not only breed the more crime in society, but it will also give the sense of relief from punishment to criminal minds. This essay will explore how punishment is better than rehabilitation, and will end up with logical solution.
Some people favors the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values. Although it can works effectively sometimes but in most of the cases, it is not true. Prisoners tend to act as a lunatic or suffering from psychological disorder to prevent themselves from serious punishments. Most of the times, it is unnoticable by mental therapist too, and they get to release from jail and again prevail in society with serious crimes or revenge. For instance, in China crime rate surged to 67% in 2019, when they try to counsel the criminals instead of serious punishment. They reversed this order to prevent the society morals. Thus, punishing the serial killers is far better than allowing them to roam again in streets.
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society. But when criminal minds get to know that they can get freedom easily without going through any torture of jail, their tendency to approach crime increase definitely. For example, a regulation is passed in United States for yeat 2030, that criminals will have to face severe punishment and fines instead of rehabilitation to control the crime rate upto 5%. Surprisingly, this results in a beneficial manner with decline of 25% crime rate. Hence, fear of punishment is better than ease of rehabiliation.
In conclusion, while some people argue against severe punishment by criminal court of justice, but I believe that it is beneficial for society to control the breed of crime and prevent the further damage.
Some people favors the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values. Although it can works effectively sometimes but in most of the cases, it is not true. Prisoners tend to act as a lunatic or suffering from psychological disorder to prevent themselves from serious punishments. Most of the times, it is unnoticable by mental therapist too, and they get to release from jail and again prevail in society with serious crimes or revenge. For instance, in China crime rate surged to 67% in 2019, when they try to counsel the criminals instead of serious punishment. They reversed this order to prevent the society morals. Thus, punishing the serial killers is far better than allowing them to roam again in streets.
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society. But when criminal minds get to know that they can get freedom easily without going through any torture of jail, their tendency to approach crime increase definitely. For example, a regulation is passed in United States for yeat 2030, that criminals will have to face severe punishment and fines instead of rehabilitation to control the crime rate upto 5%. Surprisingly, this results in a beneficial manner with decline of 25% crime rate. Hence, fear of punishment is better than ease of rehabiliation.
In conclusion, while some people argue against severe punishment by criminal court of justice, but I believe that it is beneficial for society to control the breed of crime and prevent the further damage.
Submitted on June 20, 2024 at 11:28 AM
Overall Evaluation
6 Bands
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing against the primary focus on rehabilitation in the criminal justice system. You have structured your essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is appropriate for an IELTS Task 2 essay. However, there are several areas for improvement to increase your band score. Firstly, your argument would benefit from a more balanced view, including acknowledging the benefits of rehabilitation before refuting them with your arguments. This would demonstrate critical thinking and an understanding of both sides of the argument. Secondly, your examples, while illustrative, lack specific details and sources, which could strengthen your argument if they were more concrete and referenced accurately. Additionally, your essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing ('favors' should be 'favor', 'can works' should be 'can work', 'yeat' should be 'year', 'upto' should be 'up to', 'ease of rehabiliation' should be 'ease of rehabilitation'), which can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Working on sentence structure and proofreading for errors would significantly benefit your writing. Finally, consider concluding your essay with a stronger statement that not only summarizes your arguments but also suggests a broader implication or a call to action. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing the question, but refining your arguments, providing more detailed examples, and improving your grammar and sentence structure will help you achieve a higher band score.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
6
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates an effort towards coherence and cohesion, using clear topic sentences and examples to support your points. However, the transition between ideas can be improved. For instance, the leap from discussing the ineffectiveness of rehabilitation to advocating for punishment could be smoother with transitional phrases that better link the paragraphs' main ideas. Additionally, ensuring factual accuracy and relevance of examples, such as the speculative future regulation in the United States, would enhance your argument's credibility. Paying attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will also improve the overall coherence of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which shows a good structure. However, the flow of ideas could be improved by providing stronger transitions between the points made.
Good Sentence(s)
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society.
This sentence effectively introduces a new paragraph and idea, making a clear and strong argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Some people favors the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values.
Corrected Sentence:
Some people favor the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values.
Some people favor the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values.
Clarify the subject-verb agreement and consider rephrasing for clarity.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use more explicit transition phrases between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on a single main idea as expected in IELTS essays. However, the connection between them could be strengthened.
Suggestions
To create more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that reiterates the main point.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision to enhance the flow of your essay.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases that clearly show the relationship between ideas, such as contrast (however, on the other hand), addition (furthermore, moreover), and cause-effect (therefore, as a result).
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences somewhat establish the direction of the paragraphs but could be more precise in presenting the argument and the paragraph's focus.
Good Sentence(s)
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society.
This sentence clearly states the paragraph's main argument and sets a strong, debatable stance that engages the reader.
Bad Sentence(s)
Some people favors the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values.
Corrected Sentence:
Some people favor rehabilitation and counseling for criminals to reform their thoughts and moral values.
Some people favor rehabilitation and counseling for criminals to reform their thoughts and moral values.
Clarify the argument's direction and correct grammatical errors.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise statement of the paragraph’s main idea. Use active voice and ensure it directly supports your thesis. Avoid vague language and be specific about what the paragraph will discuss.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, but your handling lacks depth and fails to fully engage with the counterarguments before dismissing them.
Bad Sentence(s)
Although it can works effectively sometimes but in most of the cases, it is not true.
Corrected Sentence:
Although rehabilitation can be effective in some cases, it often fails to address the root causes of criminal behavior.
Although rehabilitation can be effective in some cases, it often fails to address the root causes of criminal behavior.
Improve clarity and grammatical accuracy to strengthen the argument.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, acknowledge the validity of opposing views and then use evidence or logical reasoning to explain why your stance offers a better solution. This approach shows critical thinking and strengthens your argument.
Task Achievement
5.5 Bands
Overall, you have addressed the task by taking a clear position and supporting it with examples. However, your essay would benefit from more balanced arguments, a deeper exploration of the topic, and more reliable evidence. Additionally, be cautious of making broad generalizations without proper support. Your writing structure is appropriate, but refining your argument and supporting details will make your position more persuasive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You have clearly taken a stance against the statement, arguing that punishment should be prioritized over rehabilitation. Your position is evident throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society.
This sentence effectively encapsulates your thesis and viewpoint.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear but lacks depth in places. While you assert that punishment is superior to rehabilitation, the development of this argument could benefit from more nuanced discussion and evidence.
Good example(s)
For instance, in China crime rate surged to 67% in 2019, when they try to counsel the criminals instead of serious punishment.
This provides a concrete example to support your argument, though the accuracy and source of the statistic should be verified.
Bad Example(s)
Prisoners tend to act as a lunatic or suffering from psychological disorder to prevent themselves from serious punishments.
This statement is a sweeping generalization that lacks evidence and could be seen as stigmatizing towards mental health issues.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but could be strengthened with more credible sources or broader perspectives. Some of your arguments rely on hypothetical scenarios or unverified statistics, which weakens your overall position.
Bad Example(s)
For example, a regulation is passed in United States for yeat 2030, that criminals will have to face severe punishment and fines instead of rehabilitation to control the crime rate upto 5%.
This example is not only hypothetical but also contains a future prediction that cannot be substantiated, making it a weak argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main argument effectively but could be enhanced by summarizing key points more dynamically or offering a more compelling final thought.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, though it could benefit from greater variety and precision in word choice to enhance clarity and impact. Some phrases and expressions are slightly awkward or unnatural, which slightly detracts from the overall effectiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| favors | favor | Subject-verb agreement; the subject 'Some people' is plural. |
| can works | can work | Verb tense error with modal verb 'can'. |
| unnoticable | unnoticeable | Spelling mistake. |
| yeat | year | Typographical error. |
| rehabiliation | rehabilitation | Spelling mistake. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
punishment 9 times | penalty, discipline, correction, sanction |
crime 5 times | criminal activity, offense, wrongdoing, illegal act |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| deterrence The act or process of deterring, especially deterring a legal penalty as a method of discouraging crime. | The act or process of deterring, especially deterring a legal penalty as a method of discouraging crime. |
| recidivism The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. | The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend. |
| reintegrate Restore to a condition of integration or unity. | Restore to a condition of integration or unity. |
| incarceration The state of being confined in prison; imprisonment. | The state of being confined in prison; imprisonment. |
| rehabilitative approach A method focusing on the rehabilitation of offenders through reconciliation with the community and self-improvement. | A method focusing on the rehabilitation of offenders through reconciliation with the community and self-improvement. |
Out of Context
lunatic
Corrected Sentence:
pretending to have a mental illness
pretending to have a mental illness
Using 'lunatic' to describe prisoners' behavior to avoid punishment.
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Overall, your essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of grammar, but there are several areas for improvement. Errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article use detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Paying closer attention to these aspects can significantly enhance the quality of your essay. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors like 'yeat' instead of 'year' is crucial for maintaining credibility.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences demonstrated some variety, but there was a noticeable lack of complexity in their construction. Incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Good example(s)
Fear of punishment is the best remedy to prevent the crime in society.
This sentence clearly conveys a point with a straightforward structure, making it effective and easy to understand.
Bad Example(s)
Some people favors the rehabilitation and counseling of criminals to sort out their thoughts and moral values.
The sentence structure is awkward due to the mismatch between the subject 'people' and the verb 'favors', which should be 'favor' to agree in number.
Tense Usage
Your essay mostly maintains consistent tense usage, focusing on general truths and hypothetical future scenarios. However, there were instances where tense consistency could be improved for clarity.
Bad Example(s)
Prisoners tend to act as a lunatic or suffering from psychological disorder to prevent themselves from serious punishments.
The phrase 'act as a lunatic or suffering from' mixes gerunds and infinitives awkwardly. A more consistent tense usage would improve clarity.
Grammatical Errors
Some people favors the rehabilitation
Correction:
Some people favor the rehabilitation
Some people favor the rehabilitation
The subject 'people' is plural, so the verb should be 'favor' to match in number.
it can works effectively
Correction:
it can work effectively
it can work effectively
After modal verbs (can, could, should), the base form of the verb is used.
but in most of the cases, it is not true.
Correction:
but in most cases, it is not true.
but in most cases, it is not true.
The definite article 'the' is unnecessary before 'most cases.'
it is unnoticable by mental therapist
Correction:
it is unnoticeable by mental therapists
it is unnoticeable by mental therapists
Spelling error ('unnoticable' should be 'unnoticeable') and subject-verb agreement ('therapist' should be plural to match with the context).
for yeat 2030,
Correction:
for year 2030,
for year 2030,
Typographical error ('yeat' should be 'year').