Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In this era, cell phones have become a common and an essential gadget for everyone. This has sparked the argument whether children should be allowed to take them to schools or not. This essay will explore both sides of this argument and explain why it is not a good idea for kids to have access to mobiles during the school day.
The chief reason behind the favour of young students taking gadgets to their schools is to stay in touch with the parents while they are away. Parents find this idea comforting and reliable that their young ones can call them any time they need, whether it is time to pick them up or if they are in some sort of trouble. The second main cause is the constant access to internet and other learning sources for the students. Internet has revolutionized learning, and having a mobile phone means learners can look up any word, search any topic, find any book they need in the shortest time on the internet, without any hurdles or inconveniences.
While the above stated advantages hold certain weight, I personally think that children carrying internet devices to schools is not a wise idea. Kids are immature and easily distracted, having a mobile with them during their study time is similar to having a plaything. This can steal their focus from learning and point it to the devices with games and internet. Another problem this can present is the unnecessary competition among the kids. It is a fact that children can be competitive as well, with one child owning a latest device the other one can be picked on for possessing an outdated model creating an unhealthy competition and discrimination between the students.
The best solution to this problem is having computer lab facilities in schools, and computers in classrooms. If the educational institutions provide the much needed facility of internet and online resources to the learners, there would be no requirement of bringing personal devices to the schools. As for contacting the parents, the administration can help in this regard and bring the kids in touch with the parents if needed.
To conclude, parents are justified in their demands for their young ones having cell phones all the time, even in schools. However, there are other measures to meet those demands without risking the crucial learning period of the students.
The chief reason behind the favour of young students taking gadgets to their schools is to stay in touch with the parents while they are away. Parents find this idea comforting and reliable that their young ones can call them any time they need, whether it is time to pick them up or if they are in some sort of trouble. The second main cause is the constant access to internet and other learning sources for the students. Internet has revolutionized learning, and having a mobile phone means learners can look up any word, search any topic, find any book they need in the shortest time on the internet, without any hurdles or inconveniences.
While the above stated advantages hold certain weight, I personally think that children carrying internet devices to schools is not a wise idea. Kids are immature and easily distracted, having a mobile with them during their study time is similar to having a plaything. This can steal their focus from learning and point it to the devices with games and internet. Another problem this can present is the unnecessary competition among the kids. It is a fact that children can be competitive as well, with one child owning a latest device the other one can be picked on for possessing an outdated model creating an unhealthy competition and discrimination between the students.
The best solution to this problem is having computer lab facilities in schools, and computers in classrooms. If the educational institutions provide the much needed facility of internet and online resources to the learners, there would be no requirement of bringing personal devices to the schools. As for contacting the parents, the administration can help in this regard and bring the kids in touch with the parents if needed.
To conclude, parents are justified in their demands for their young ones having cell phones all the time, even in schools. However, there are other measures to meet those demands without risking the crucial learning period of the students.
Submitted on July 21, 2024 at 11:02 PM
Overall Evaluation
7.5 Bands
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument regarding children using cell phones in school, providing a clear and well-structured analysis. You present valid points for both perspectives, highlighting the convenience and learning opportunities phones can offer, as well as the potential distractions and social issues they can cause. Your personal stance is clear, arguing against the use of phones by children in schools, and you propose practical alternatives to address the concerns raised. To improve, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, and ensure a balance in the development of both sides of the discussion. Additionally, pay attention to varying your sentence structures and enhancing your vocabulary to better demonstrate your language proficiency. Overall, your essay is coherent and addresses the task prompt effectively, positioning you within a higher band for IELTS Writing Task 2.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. You have structured your arguments logically, starting with the advantages of children using phones in school before presenting your own viewpoint against it. The transition phrases like 'While the above stated advantages hold certain weight' effectively signal shifts in your argument. However, to improve coherence, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay's overall argument. Additionally, linking words could be used more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, introducing counterarguments with phrases like 'However,' or 'On the other hand,' can help clarify the structure of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay is well-structured, presenting a balanced view before stating your own opinion. The progression from introduction, through arguments for and against, to the conclusion is logical and clear. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance the flow. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of essay organization. Band: 7.5
Good Sentence(s)
The best solution to this problem is having computer lab facilities in schools, and computers in classrooms.
This sentence effectively transitions from presenting problems to offering a solution, maintaining logical flow.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, try to use more transitional phrases that explicitly signal contrast or comparison when moving between arguments. Additionally, a brief summary of key points before the conclusion can help reinforce your argument's structure.
Paragraphing
Paragraphs are clear and each one is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining clarity and structure. However, the conclusion paragraph could be expanded to more effectively summarize the arguments presented and restate your opinion more forcefully. Band: 7.0
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Also, try to develop your arguments more fully within each paragraph, possibly by adding examples or further explanation.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is generally good, helping to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision in their use. Band: 7.0
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of expressions, such as 'On the one hand... On the other hand...', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'As a result'. This will not only help in making your essay more coherent but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the content of the paragraphs effectively, establishing a clear direction for the argumentation.
Good Sentence(s)
While the above stated advantages hold certain weight, I personally think that children carrying internet devices to schools is not a wise idea.
This sentence effectively transitions to presenting your main argument against children using phones in school, indicating a shift in perspective.
Bad Sentence(s)
The chief reason behind the favour of young students taking gadgets to their schools is to stay in touch with the parents while they are away.
Corrected Sentence:
One significant advantage of allowing students to bring gadgets to school is the ability to maintain contact with their parents, enhancing their safety and peace of mind.
One significant advantage of allowing students to bring gadgets to school is the ability to maintain contact with their parents, enhancing their safety and peace of mind.
Clarify the significance of this reason in relation to the essay's argument.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start with a concise summary of the paragraph's main point. Then, if possible, hint at how this point supports your overall argument or contrasts with the previous point. Avoid overly complex or vague statements.
Counter Points
You have acknowledged contrasting viewpoints by outlining the benefits of children using phones in school before presenting your own stance against it. However, the transition between acknowledging these benefits and arguing against them could be smoother to enhance the effectiveness of your counterargument.
Good Sentence(s)
Internet has revolutionized learning, and having a mobile phone means learners can look up any word, search any topic, find any book they need in the shortest time on the internet, without any hurdles or inconveniences.
This sentence effectively highlights a positive aspect of children using phones, setting up a contrast for your later arguments.
Suggestions
To more effectively address and integrate counterarguments, consider directly acknowledging the validity of the opposing viewpoint before using evidence and reasoning to explain why your perspective offers a more compelling solution. This not only shows that you have considered both sides but also strengthens your position by directly engaging with and refuting counterpoints.
Task Achievement
7 Bands
Overall, you have done a good job of discussing both sides of the argument and presenting your own view. Your essay is structured well, with clear arguments and relevant examples. To improve, consider adding more specific examples or statistics to support your points and addressing potential counterarguments more directly. This would make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You have effectively addressed the essay question by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. Your stance is clear throughout the essay.
Good example(s)
This essay will explore both sides of this argument and explain why it is not a good idea for kids to have access to mobiles during the school day.
This sentence effectively sets up the essay structure and your position.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear and progresses logically, but it could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
Good example(s)
Kids are immature and easily distracted, having a mobile with them during their study time is similar to having a plaything.
This sentence effectively highlights a core reason for your position against phones in schools.
Supporting Details
Your examples and reasoning are relevant and support your position well. However, incorporating more specific examples or data could enhance your argument.
Good example(s)
Internet has revolutionized learning, and having a mobile phone means learners can look up any word, search any topic, find any book they need in the shortest time on the internet, without any hurdles or inconveniences.
This detail effectively supports the argument for the utility of phones in educational contexts.
Conclusion
Your conclusion restates your position and suggests a solution, which is good. However, it could be more impactful by summarizing key points more strongly.
Good example(s)
However, there are other measures to meet those demands without risking the crucial learning period of the students.
This sentence effectively concludes your argument by suggesting alternatives to phone use in schools.
Lexical Resources
7 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying arguments and opinions. However, enhancing the variety of expressions and avoiding repetition could further improve the lexical resource score.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
children 5 times | youngsters, minors, students, pupils |
mobile 4 times | cell phone, smartphone, device |
schools 5 times | educational institutions, learning environments |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| integral Necessary and important as a part of a whole. | Necessary and important as a part of a whole. |
| distractible Easily drawn away from the task at hand. | Easily drawn away from the task at hand. |
| peer pressure Influence from members of one's peer group. | Influence from members of one's peer group. |
| digital literacy The ability to use information and communication technologies to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information. | The ability to use information and communication technologies to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information. |
| cyberbullying The use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature. | The use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature. |
Grammatical Range
8.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is strong, with a good grasp of complex sentence structures and appropriate tense usage throughout the essay. There are no significant grammatical errors that detract from the clarity or professionalism of your writing. To further enhance your writing, consider varying your vocabulary and incorporating more transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences, which enhances readability and coherence.
Good example(s)
Internet has revolutionized learning, and having a mobile phone means learners can look up any word, search any topic, find any book they need in the shortest time on the internet, without any hurdles or inconveniences.
This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas with clarity and showcases your ability to use complex sentence structures to convey detailed arguments.
Tense Usage
The use of tenses in your essay is consistent and correct, effectively matching the context of each sentence.
Good example(s)
Parents find this idea comforting and reliable that their young ones can call them any time they need, whether it is time to pick them up or if they are in some sort of trouble.
This example demonstrates correct use of present simple tense to describe general truths and ongoing situations, which is appropriate for the context.
Grammatical Errors
No Grammatical Errors detected in this essay