Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Cause/Effect Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and the levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken?
Mean body weight of individuals in certain nations is significantly increasing and therefore posing a threat to health and fitness. With regards to obesity, health complications are increasing drastically. What could be the reason behind this? In these essay I will give profound details on why what exactly is behind it and solutions to the problem.
Contrary to the post, exercising is no longer part of livelihood among majority of this generation. people live a lifestyle a less active life therefore the body get prone to diseases that are associated to inactive way of living. Lack of aerobic exercises not only expose people to cardiovascular diseases but also mental associated illnesses. For instance, employees who work in an office spend most of their time indoors, and reports illustrates that they amounts to the highest number of people with blood pressure and obesity. In addition, stress they registers a steep increase on the stress and depression...
without forgoing feeding habits, intake of processed foods and drinks that are sugary beyond the recommended levels, also precipitate illnesses among consumers. For example, People who takes more sugary foodmeats and drinks one more obese compared to those who takes less.
On the other hand, health and fitness of individuals can be restored through regular exercise. Running, jogging, lifting weights among many other forms of physical activities are proven to burn more than three quaters of the taken calories. Remaining active for atleast thirty minutes in a day, not only help in cutting weight but also promoting mental health. If people enforce healthy lifestyles such as walking instead of driving then the rate of sickness among people will steadily decline. for example, people who go for morning runs are more fit and comprises of the least number of patients who complain about dejection.
Beside that, taking balanced diet is another solution to control manage health wellbeing of persons. Consumtion of less fatty meals like vegetables and fruits minimizes, intense intella storage of unhealthy calories in the body. People who consumption of fruits outweighs intake of processed meals are more healthier than and vise versa
In conclusion, average mass of persons is increasing as a result of choosingly opting to incorporate balanced diets, healthy eating healthy and adapting physical lifestyles can have a positive impact on health.
Contrary to the post, exercising is no longer part of livelihood among majority of this generation. people live a lifestyle a less active life therefore the body get prone to diseases that are associated to inactive way of living. Lack of aerobic exercises not only expose people to cardiovascular diseases but also mental associated illnesses. For instance, employees who work in an office spend most of their time indoors, and reports illustrates that they amounts to the highest number of people with blood pressure and obesity. In addition, stress they registers a steep increase on the stress and depression...
without forgoing feeding habits, intake of processed foods and drinks that are sugary beyond the recommended levels, also precipitate illnesses among consumers. For example, People who takes more sugary foodmeats and drinks one more obese compared to those who takes less.
On the other hand, health and fitness of individuals can be restored through regular exercise. Running, jogging, lifting weights among many other forms of physical activities are proven to burn more than three quaters of the taken calories. Remaining active for atleast thirty minutes in a day, not only help in cutting weight but also promoting mental health. If people enforce healthy lifestyles such as walking instead of driving then the rate of sickness among people will steadily decline. for example, people who go for morning runs are more fit and comprises of the least number of patients who complain about dejection.
Beside that, taking balanced diet is another solution to control manage health wellbeing of persons. Consumtion of less fatty meals like vegetables and fruits minimizes, intense intella storage of unhealthy calories in the body. People who consumption of fruits outweighs intake of processed meals are more healthier than and vise versa
In conclusion, average mass of persons is increasing as a result of choosingly opting to incorporate balanced diets, healthy eating healthy and adapting physical lifestyles can have a positive impact on health.
Submitted on January 26, 2024 at 9:16 AM
Overall Evaluation
5.5 Bands
Your essay addresses the critical issue of increasing mean body weight and its health implications effectively. You have identified key reasons for this trend, including a lack of physical activity and poor dietary choices, and proposed viable solutions such as regular exercise and balanced diets. However, there are areas for improvement. Your essay would benefit from more careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. Additionally, providing more specific examples and data could strengthen your arguments. Finally, ensuring coherence in your argumentation and a smooth flow between paragraphs will enhance the overall readability and impact of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
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5.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6 Bands
Your essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents a structured argument. However, there are areas for improvement in coherence and cohesion. Some sentences and ideas seem disconnected, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing the problem to solutions is abrupt. Using phrases like 'In response to these challenges,' or 'To mitigate these issues,' could help in making the shift more natural. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next by using linking words would enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence and impact.
Good Sentence(s)
On the other hand, health and fitness of individuals can be restored through regular exercise.
This sentence effectively transitions to discussing solutions, maintaining a logical progression in the essay.
Bad Sentence(s)
In these essay I will give profound details on why what exactly is behind it and solutions to the problem.
Corrected Sentence:
In this essay, I will detail the reasons behind this issue and propose solutions.
In this essay, I will detail the reasons behind this issue and propose solutions.
Clarify the sentence for better understanding and remove redundancy.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, clearly outline your main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. Use transition words to smoothly move from one idea to the next.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear but could be better structured. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea followed by supporting sentences.
Bad Sentence(s)
without forgoing feeding habits, intake of processed foods and drinks that are sugary beyond the recommended levels, also precipitate illnesses among consumers.
Corrected Sentence:
Another major factor is feeding habits. The intake of processed foods and sugary drinks beyond recommended levels precipitates illnesses among consumers.
Another major factor is feeding habits. The intake of processed foods and sugary drinks beyond recommended levels precipitates illnesses among consumers.
Start a new paragraph with a clear topic sentence to improve clarity.
Suggestions
Focus on starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Ensure that all sentences within a paragraph are related to its main idea. Use transitions effectively to connect paragraphs.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices is present but can be improved. Some sentences could benefit from better linking words to enhance the flow and coherence.
Bad Sentence(s)
for example, people who go for morning runs are more fit and comprises of the least number of patients who complain about dejection.
Corrected Sentence:
For example, individuals who engage in morning runs tend to be fitter and report fewer instances of depression.
For example, individuals who engage in morning runs tend to be fitter and report fewer instances of depression.
Revise the sentence for clarity and proper use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. Practice using connectors such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'as a result' to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally set up the subject of each paragraph effectively, but they could be more specific to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
Good Sentence(s)
Contrary to the post, exercising is no longer part of livelihood among majority of this generation.
This sentence effectively introduces the discussion on the decline in physical activity.
On the other hand, health and fitness of individuals can be restored through regular exercise.
It clearly introduces the solution paragraph, signaling a shift in focus from problems to solutions.
Bad Sentence(s)
without forgoing feeding habits, intake of processed foods and drinks that are sugary beyond the recommended levels, also precipitate illnesses among consumers.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, the rising consumption of processed foods and sugary drinks significantly contributes to health issues.
Moreover, the rising consumption of processed foods and sugary drinks significantly contributes to health issues.
Clarify and directly state the topic of the paragraph for better reader orientation.
Suggestions
To write clear and impactful topic sentences, start each paragraph with a sentence that directly states the main idea or argument of the paragraph. Use active voice and specific language to make your point clear from the beginning.
Counter Points
You have made an attempt to address contrasting viewpoints, particularly with the transition 'On the other hand,' but more explicit counterpoints and their refutation would strengthen your argument.
Bad Sentence(s)
Contrary to the post, exercising is no longer part of livelihood among majority of this generation.
Corrected Sentence:
While some may argue that modern lifestyles do not allow time for exercise, the increasing prevalence of sedentary jobs and leisure activities suggests otherwise.
While some may argue that modern lifestyles do not allow time for exercise, the increasing prevalence of sedentary jobs and leisure activities suggests otherwise.
Although this sentence introduces a contrasting viewpoint, it could be improved by directly addressing why some might think differently and then refuting or supporting this view with evidence.
Suggestions
To address and integrate counterarguments more effectively, explicitly state the counterargument, provide evidence or reasoning against it, and then reinforce your original point. This structure helps in acknowledging other viewpoints while strengthening your argument.
Task Achievement
5 Bands
Overall, you have made a commendable effort to address the task, providing reasons and solutions for the increase in mean body weight. However, your essay would benefit from clearer argumentation, better organization, and more precise language. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and coherence in your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
You addressed the question by identifying reasons behind the increasing mean body weight and proposing solutions. However, the connection between your points and the question could be clearer.
Good example(s)
Contrary to the past, exercising is no longer part of livelihood among majority of this generation.
This sentence effectively introduces a key reason for the issue at hand.
Bad Example(s)
In these essay I will give profound details on why what exactly is behind it and solutions to the problem.
This sentence is confusing and grammatically incorrect, which detracts from the clarity of your introduction.
Development of Position
Your argument's development is somewhat uneven. While you present reasons and solutions, the transition between ideas is abrupt, and deeper analysis is needed.
Good example(s)
Lack of aerobic exercises not only expose people to cardiovascular diseases but also mental associated illnesses.
This sentence clearly links lack of exercise to health issues, strengthening your position.
Bad Example(s)
for example, people who go for morning runs are more fit and comprises of the least number of patients who complain about dejection.
This example is too general and lacks specific evidence to support your argument effectively.
Supporting Details
Your examples are relevant but need more detail and evidence to be convincing. Some statements are overly broad and lack specificity.
Good example(s)
Running, jogging, lifting weights among many other forms of physical activities are proven to burn more than three quarters of the taken calories.
This provides a clear and specific example of how exercise can combat obesity.
Bad Example(s)
People who takes more sugary foodmeats and drinks one more obese compared to those who takes less.
This sentence is confusing and grammatically incorrect, weakening your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your main points but lacks a strong final statement to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Bad Example(s)
In conclusion, average mass of persons is increasing as a result of choosingly opting to incorporate balanced diets, healthy eating healthy and adapting physical lifestyles can have a positive impact on health.
This sentence is confusing and does not clearly summarize your essay's main points or offer a strong closing argument.
Lexical Resources
6 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at using a range of lexical resources to discuss the issue of increasing body weight and its implications. However, there are areas where word choice and phrase construction could be improved to enhance clarity and accuracy. Paying attention to the correct use of words and phrases will help in making your arguments more compelling.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| foodmeats | foods | 'Foodmeats' is not a standard word. 'Foods' is the correct term when referring to different types of food. |
| intella storage | internal storage | 'Intella storage' seems to be a typo or incorrect term. 'Internal storage' might be what was intended, referring to the accumulation of calories within the body. |
| healthier than and vise versa | healthier than those who do not, and vice versa | The phrase is incomplete and incorrectly structured. Correcting it provides clarity. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
health 15 times | well-being, fitness, physical condition |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| sedentary lifestyle A way of life that involves little physical activity. | A way of life that involves little physical activity. |
| cardiovascular diseases A class of diseases that involve the heart or blood vessels. | A class of diseases that involve the heart or blood vessels. |
| psychological well-being A state of mental health that includes emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. | A state of mental health that includes emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. |
| nutritional intake The consumption of food and drink in relation to the body's dietary needs. | The consumption of food and drink in relation to the body's dietary needs. |
| caloric deficit A state where the number of calories consumed is less than the number of calories burned, leading to weight loss. | A state where the number of calories consumed is less than the number of calories burned, leading to weight loss. |
Out of Context
choosingly
Corrected Sentence:
choosing
choosing
Discussing the impact of diet on health
Grammatical Range
5 Bands
Your essay shows a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy. Issues such as incorrect verb forms, awkward phrasing, and lack of subject-verb agreement detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Focusing on sentence structure and ensuring correct grammar usage will significantly enhance your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences lacked variety and complexity. Most were simple or compound, with limited use of complex or compound-complex structures that could enhance clarity and engagement.
Bad Example(s)
In these essay I will give profound details on why what exactly is behind it and solutions to the problem.
This sentence is awkwardly phrased and confusing, lacking clear structure.
for example, people who go for morning runs are more fit and comprises of the least number of patients who complain about dejection.
The structure is informal and incorrect ('comprises of' is not the right usage).
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses was mostly consistent, but there were instances where the tense did not match the context, leading to confusion.
Bad Example(s)
People who takes more sugary foodmeats and drinks one more obese compared to those who takes less.
Incorrect tense and grammatical structure ('takes' should be 'take').
Grammatical Errors
In these essay I will give profound details on why what exactly is behind it and solutions to the problem.
Correction:
In this essay, I will provide detailed explanations of the reasons behind this issue and propose solutions.
In this essay, I will provide detailed explanations of the reasons behind this issue and propose solutions.
Incorrect article usage and awkward phrasing.
people live a lifestyle a less active life therefore the body get prone to diseases
Correction:
People live a less active lifestyle, therefore the body becomes prone to diseases.
People live a less active lifestyle, therefore the body becomes prone to diseases.
Lack of subject-verb agreement and awkward construction.
People who takes more sugary foodmeats and drinks one more obese compared to those who takes less.
Correction:
People who consume more sugary foods and drinks are more obese compared to those who consume less.
People who consume more sugary foods and drinks are more obese compared to those who consume less.
Incorrect verb form and awkward phrasing.