Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Comparison/Contrast Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: How does the physical fitness and general health of individuals living in rural areas compare to those residing in cities, and what are the potential benefits and drawbacks of each lifestyle on personal well-being?
Nowadays people compare the lifestyle of two different areas such as urban and rural. Both of these regions have their own pros and cons. This essay will explore the difference of village and city life, their social and personal aspects and benefits.
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities. As they have active lifestyle, consume pure and organic diet as well as they live in atmosphere that is free of industrial and traffic smoke. Their daily routine includes the excessive physical activities of working in fields and they are more prone to social life as they get time for themselves to sit with elders and friends. They are enable to enjoy the scenery of green fields and rich foods. Take an example of people living in farmland of British Columbia, Canada, their average health progress is 56% better than poeple living in cities. Thus, life in village has certain benefits.
In contrary, masses who live in cities enjoy the developed facilities of health care and educational sectors. They excceeded in their careers more easily as they know about on going trends and advancements. But they are unable to get the diet that is free from toxic nutrients, as they have to consume processed food. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like asthama, lung cancer and diabetes as they inhailed tons of toxic smoke from different sources. Most of them suffer from anxiety and depression due to their hectic routines, they are unable yo connect with others and socialize. One of the main reasons of mental disorder is noise of traffic and factories. All these discussed points make the village life more essential for health and peace of mind. But in village people face the difficulties of basic education and health. They have to travel miles and miles to get the basic treatment of their wounds.
Some people argue that city life is better than village life. But I believe that by using the appropriate regulatory framework to provide the basic necessities in both, we can live a life full of health and wealth.
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities. As they have active lifestyle, consume pure and organic diet as well as they live in atmosphere that is free of industrial and traffic smoke. Their daily routine includes the excessive physical activities of working in fields and they are more prone to social life as they get time for themselves to sit with elders and friends. They are enable to enjoy the scenery of green fields and rich foods. Take an example of people living in farmland of British Columbia, Canada, their average health progress is 56% better than poeple living in cities. Thus, life in village has certain benefits.
In contrary, masses who live in cities enjoy the developed facilities of health care and educational sectors. They excceeded in their careers more easily as they know about on going trends and advancements. But they are unable to get the diet that is free from toxic nutrients, as they have to consume processed food. They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like asthama, lung cancer and diabetes as they inhailed tons of toxic smoke from different sources. Most of them suffer from anxiety and depression due to their hectic routines, they are unable yo connect with others and socialize. One of the main reasons of mental disorder is noise of traffic and factories. All these discussed points make the village life more essential for health and peace of mind. But in village people face the difficulties of basic education and health. They have to travel miles and miles to get the basic treatment of their wounds.
Some people argue that city life is better than village life. But I believe that by using the appropriate regulatory framework to provide the basic necessities in both, we can live a life full of health and wealth.
Submitted on June 29, 2024 at 8:44 AM
Overall Evaluation
6.5 Bands
Your essay effectively addresses the comparison between the physical fitness and general health of individuals living in rural areas versus those in cities, highlighting the potential benefits and drawbacks of each lifestyle. You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each side of the comparison, and a conclusion that presents your viewpoint. However, to enhance your essay further, consider incorporating more specific examples and statistical data to support your claims, such as the reference to health progress in British Columbia, which adds credibility but needs a source for verification. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure the clarity of your arguments. Improving the variety of your sentence structures and vocabulary can also contribute to a higher band score. Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining these aspects can make your argument more compelling and polished.
In this part of essay evaluation, state of the art AI and ML algorithms trained on millions of essays analyze how well you have performed on all fronts of IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors.
Learn more about overall evaluation
Learn more about overall evaluation
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5 Bands
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Learn more about coherence & cohesion evaluation
Logical Organization
Your essay presents a clear comparison between rural and urban lifestyles, focusing on health and well-being. The structure is logical, beginning with an introduction of the topic, followed by separate discussions of rural and urban life, and concluding with a personal opinion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance the essay's overall flow.
Good Sentence(s)
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities.
This sentence effectively introduces a key point about the health benefits of rural living, setting the stage for further comparison.
Bad Sentence(s)
But in village people face the difficulties of basic education and health.
Corrected Sentence:
However, people in villages face challenges in accessing basic education and healthcare services.
However, people in villages face challenges in accessing basic education and healthcare services.
Clarify and expand on the contrast to maintain flow and coherence.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, use more explicit transition phrases that guide the reader from one section to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your thesis statement.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs in your essay are clear and generally well-structured, each focusing on distinct aspects of life in rural and urban areas. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide a more in-depth analysis.
Good Sentence(s)
In contrary, masses who live in cities enjoy the developed facilities of health care and educational sectors.
This sentence effectively transitions the essay from discussing rural life to urban life, maintaining clarity and structure.
Suggestions
For more focused and coherent paragraphs, start each with a topic sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the idea, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph's point or links to the next paragraph.
Cohesive Devices
Your use of cohesive devices, such as contrastive conjunctions ('But', 'However'), helps to structure the essay and guide the reader through your arguments. However, the essay could benefit from a wider range of devices to better link ideas and sections.
Good Sentence(s)
Thus, life in village has certain benefits.
This sentence effectively concludes the discussion on rural life, using a summarizing cohesive device to transition smoothly.
Suggestions
To improve your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more variety, such as synonyms for 'but' (nevertheless, however, on the other hand) and 'thus' (therefore, as a result, hence). Also, using referencing words ('this', 'these', 'such') can help link sentences more smoothly.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences provide a clear overview of the paragraphs' content, effectively setting up the discussion on the health and lifestyle differences between rural and urban residents.
Good Sentence(s)
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities.
This sentence clearly introduces the paragraph's focus on the health benefits of rural living.
In contrary, masses who live in cities enjoy the developed facilities of health care and educational sectors.
It effectively contrasts the previous point by highlighting the advantages of city living, setting up a balanced discussion.
Suggestions
For stronger topic sentences, ensure they are not only clear but also engaging. Try to intrigue the reader with unique insights or unexpected contrasts right from the beginning of each paragraph.
Counter Points
You have attempted to address contrasting viewpoints, especially with the discussion on the benefits of city life versus rural life. However, the integration of these viewpoints could be more balanced and nuanced.
Bad Sentence(s)
Some people argue that city life is better than village life.
Corrected Sentence:
While some argue that city life offers better educational and healthcare facilities, making it a preferable choice for many, it's essential to consider the associated health risks.
While some argue that city life offers better educational and healthcare facilities, making it a preferable choice for many, it's essential to consider the associated health risks.
Expand on this by providing specific arguments or evidence cited by proponents of city life to strengthen the counterpoint.
Suggestions
To better integrate counterarguments, dedicate a portion of your essay to thoroughly exploring the opposing viewpoint. Present it fairly and then use evidence or reasoning to show why your perspective adds more value or is more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
6 Bands
Overall, you've made a commendable effort to compare the health and lifestyle of individuals in rural and urban areas. To improve, focus on providing a more balanced argument, supporting your claims with data or studies, and crafting a stronger conclusion. Addressing these areas will make your essay more persuasive and cohesive.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Learn more about task achievement evaluation
Response to Question
You've addressed the question by comparing the physical fitness and general health of individuals in rural areas to those in cities, along with potential benefits and drawbacks. However, more direct comparisons and specific examples could strengthen your argument.
Good example(s)
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities.
This sentence directly compares the health of individuals in rural and urban areas, aligning well with the essay question.
Bad Example(s)
Some people argue that city life is better than village life.
This statement is too general and does not provide a clear, direct comparison or analysis based on the essay question.
Development of Position
Your argument presents a clear preference for rural living in terms of health benefits. However, it would benefit from a more balanced view that also robustly acknowledges the advantages of city living, to strengthen your position.
Good example(s)
Their daily routine includes the excessive physical activities of working in fields and they are more prone to social life as they get time for themselves to sit with elders and friends.
This sentence effectively supports your argument by detailing why rural life may contribute to better health.
Bad Example(s)
But in village people face the difficulties of basic education and health.
This sentence weakens your argument by abruptly mentioning drawbacks without fully integrating this perspective into your overall position.
Supporting Details
Your examples, such as the health comparison in British Columbia, add value to your argument. However, some claims lack the support of data or sources, which could make your argument more convincing.
Good example(s)
Take an example of people living in farmland of British Columbia, Canada, their average health progress is 56% better than people living in cities.
This specific example provides a clear, quantifiable comparison that supports your argument.
Bad Example(s)
They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like asthma, lung cancer and diabetes as they inhaled tons of toxic smoke from different sources.
This claim would be stronger with statistical evidence or reference to studies.
Conclusion
Your conclusion attempts to reconcile the benefits of both lifestyles but lacks a strong, compelling final argument to unify your essay's points effectively.
Bad Example(s)
But I believe that by using the appropriate regulatory framework to provide the basic necessities in both, we can live a life full of health and wealth.
This sentence is vague and does not effectively summarize or conclude the argument made throughout the essay.
Lexical Resources
6.5 Bands
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, effectively conveying comparisons between rural and urban lifestyles. However, enhancing the variety of expressions and avoiding repetition could further improve the lexical richness of your writing.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Learn more about lexical evaluation
Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| poeples | people | Spelling error. |
| excceeded | excelled | Spelling error and more appropriate word choice. |
| inhailed | inhaled | Spelling error. |
| yo | to | Typographical error. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
life 8 times | existence, lifestyle, living conditions |
health 5 times | well-being, physical condition, fitness |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| metropolitan Relating to a large city. | Relating to a large city. |
| bucolic Relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life. | Relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life. |
| sedentary Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. | Tending to spend much time seated; somewhat inactive. |
| chronic (Of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. | (Of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. |
| organic Produced or involving production without the use of chemical fertilizers, pesticides, or other artificial agents. | Produced or involving production without the use of chemical fertilizers, pesticides, or other artificial agents. |
Grammatical Range
6.5 Bands
Overall, your grammar is fairly good, but attention to detail is needed to correct typographical and spelling errors. Additionally, focusing on sentence structure can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow. Consistent review and editing of your work will help to minimize these errors and improve clarity.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Learn more about grammar evaluation
Sentence Structures
Your sentences show some variety in structure, incorporating both simple and complex forms. However, there's room for improvement in making them more varied to enhance readability and interest.
Good example(s)
Villagers are more healthy in terms of their physical and mental capabilities as compared to people who live in cities.
This sentence effectively combines comparison and cause-effect, making it informative and structured.
Bad Example(s)
But in village people face the difficulties of basic education and health.
This sentence could be improved for clarity and structure, perhaps by breaking it into two or rephrasing for smoother flow.
Tense Usage
Your use of tenses is generally consistent and correct, with a good mix of present simple for general facts and past simple for examples. However, watch for occasional slips in tense that could affect clarity.
Grammatical Errors
poeples living in cities
Correction:
people living in cities
people living in cities
The word 'people' is already plural and does not need an 's' at the end.
they are unable yo connect
Correction:
they are unable to connect
they are unable to connect
Typographical error; 'yo' should be 'to'.
excceeded
Correction:
exceeded
exceeded
Spelling mistake; 'excceeded' should be spelled as 'exceeded'.
asthama
Correction:
asthma
asthma
Spelling mistake; 'asthama' should be spelled as 'asthma'.