Evaluation Report for General Writing Task 2 Agree/Disagree Essay Submission
Essay Evaluation
Question: Do you agree or disagree that governments should prioritize investment in public transportation systems to reduce traffic congestion and air pollution?
Everyday in every single country people use buses,metros, etc. But sometimes public transports are not enough and people ride the public transport with discomfort and it seems like government should invest more in these type of transport, but I disagree, because it will give nothing to people, almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious and as we know person with money will not seat in public transports. Moreover if government will make more transports it will give almost the same result as huge amount of cars.
Everyone do not want to ride the bus or metro and sit with people they do not know, so do rich people and they have a choice take a taxi or go to transport with a crowd inside. So people who have a choice where to drive to their business will choose their own car or taxi rather than crowded transport. Although government will help financially with public transport a lot of people will not use them, because they do not want to. For example my aunt has not a lot of money, but even with that finances she always tries to go with taxi, because she wants to go to her destination with comfort.
Invest in public transports mean make more transports for people, but if they want to convince more people to use public transport, they need to start making lot of new buses and trains for metro.Furthermore It will have almost the same affect on air pollution and traffic jams. I truly believe that many buses are not better than a great deal of little cars. While living in Almaty city I understood that buses not as good as everyone think,everyday see these big, long machines still staying in traffic, despite that buses have their own line on the road - it is not a good show.
Generally investing in public transport by government will not give us anything good. I mean everything will be the same, because it does not depend on transport, it depends on people, so spend money to public transport is a meaningless action.
Everyone do not want to ride the bus or metro and sit with people they do not know, so do rich people and they have a choice take a taxi or go to transport with a crowd inside. So people who have a choice where to drive to their business will choose their own car or taxi rather than crowded transport. Although government will help financially with public transport a lot of people will not use them, because they do not want to. For example my aunt has not a lot of money, but even with that finances she always tries to go with taxi, because she wants to go to her destination with comfort.
Invest in public transports mean make more transports for people, but if they want to convince more people to use public transport, they need to start making lot of new buses and trains for metro.Furthermore It will have almost the same affect on air pollution and traffic jams. I truly believe that many buses are not better than a great deal of little cars. While living in Almaty city I understood that buses not as good as everyone think,everyday see these big, long machines still staying in traffic, despite that buses have their own line on the road - it is not a good show.
Generally investing in public transport by government will not give us anything good. I mean everything will be the same, because it does not depend on transport, it depends on people, so spend money to public transport is a meaningless action.
Submitted on November 15, 2024 at 10:31 AM
Overall Evaluation
5 Bands
Your essay presents a clear stance against government investment in public transportation, but it lacks depth and coherence in its arguments. The introduction sets the stage but does not clearly outline the main points you will discuss. Your reasoning is repetitive and based on personal anecdotes rather than broader evidence or examples. The essay would benefit from a more structured approach, with distinct paragraphs for each point and stronger transitions between ideas. Additionally, the language used is informal and at times unclear, which affects the clarity of your arguments. To improve, focus on developing a balanced argument with supporting evidence, use more formal language, and ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, considering both sides of the argument, even if you ultimately disagree with the statement. This will demonstrate critical thinking and a deeper understanding of the issue.
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5
Coherence & Cohesion
4.5 Bands
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not logically connected, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak. For example, the transition from discussing personal preferences to the impact on air pollution is abrupt and unclear. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or reinforce the argument. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument and ensure each paragraph builds on the previous one.
In this part of essay evaluation, the laser-focused algorithms meticulously examine your essay’s structure, ensuring your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
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Logical Organization
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The main argument is not consistently supported throughout the essay, and the ideas are not well-organized.
Bad Sentence(s)
But sometimes public transports are not enough and people ride the public transport with discomfort and it seems like government should invest more in these type of transport, but I disagree, because it will give nothing to people, almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious and as we know person with money will not seat in public transports.
Corrected Sentence:
Sometimes public transport is insufficient, leading to discomfort. While it seems that the government should invest more in these systems, I disagree. Many people aspire to wealth and prefer private transport over public options.
Sometimes public transport is insufficient, leading to discomfort. While it seems that the government should invest more in these systems, I disagree. Many people aspire to wealth and prefer private transport over public options.
Break down the sentence into smaller parts to improve clarity and focus on one idea at a time.
Moreover if government will make more transports it will give almost the same result as huge amount of cars.
Corrected Sentence:
Moreover, increasing the number of public transport vehicles could lead to congestion similar to that caused by a large number of cars.
Moreover, increasing the number of public transport vehicles could lead to congestion similar to that caused by a large number of cars.
Clarify the comparison between increased public transport and cars, and explain why the result would be similar.
Suggestions
To enhance logical progression, start with a clear thesis statement, use topic sentences for each paragraph, and ensure each paragraph supports your main argument with evidence and examples.
Paragraphing
The paragraphs lack clear structure and focus. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
Bad Sentence(s)
Everyone do not want to ride the bus or metro and sit with people they do not know, so do rich people and they have a choice take a taxi or go to transport with a crowd inside.
Corrected Sentence:
Many people, including the wealthy, prefer not to use public transport due to discomfort. They often choose taxis or private cars over crowded public options.
Many people, including the wealthy, prefer not to use public transport due to discomfort. They often choose taxis or private cars over crowded public options.
Separate the ideas into distinct sentences and clarify the comparison.
Suggestions
Focus on creating paragraphs with a single main idea. Begin with a topic sentence, provide supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that reinforces the paragraph's main point.
Cohesive Devices
The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes ineffective, leading to a lack of flow between ideas.
Bad Sentence(s)
Invest in public transports mean make more transports for people, but if they want to convince more people to use public transport, they need to start making lot of new buses and trains for metro.
Corrected Sentence:
Investing in public transport means increasing the number of vehicles available. To encourage more people to use public transport, the government should consider adding more buses and metro trains.
Investing in public transport means increasing the number of vehicles available. To encourage more people to use public transport, the government should consider adding more buses and metro trains.
Use cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively and improve sentence structure.
Suggestions
Improve your use of cohesive devices by using conjunctions, transition words, and referencing to link ideas smoothly. Practice using words like 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'in addition' to connect sentences and paragraphs.
Topic Sentences
Your topic sentences generally lack clarity and do not effectively introduce the main idea of each paragraph. They tend to be vague and do not clearly outline the argument or point you are making.
Bad Sentence(s)
Everyday in every single country people use buses, metros, etc.
Corrected Sentence:
Public transportation is widely used globally, but its current state often leads to discomfort, prompting a debate on whether governments should invest more in these systems.
Public transportation is widely used globally, but its current state often leads to discomfort, prompting a debate on whether governments should invest more in these systems.
Clearly state the main idea of the paragraph and how it relates to the essay's argument.
Everyone do not want to ride the bus or metro and sit with people they do not know, so do rich people and they have a choice take a taxi or go to transport with a crowd inside.
Corrected Sentence:
Many people, particularly those with financial means, prefer private transport options over public systems, questioning the effectiveness of increased government investment.
Many people, particularly those with financial means, prefer private transport options over public systems, questioning the effectiveness of increased government investment.
Focus on the main argument that public transport investments may not appeal to everyone, especially those who can afford alternatives.
Invest in public transports mean make more transports for people, but if they want to convince more people to use public transport, they need to start making lot of new buses and trains for metro.
Corrected Sentence:
While increasing public transport options might seem beneficial, it may not significantly reduce congestion or pollution without addressing people's preferences.
While increasing public transport options might seem beneficial, it may not significantly reduce congestion or pollution without addressing people's preferences.
Clarify the argument that increasing public transport options may not solve congestion or pollution issues.
Suggestions
Ensure each topic sentence clearly states the main idea of the paragraph and how it supports your overall argument. Avoid vague statements and directly address the issue at hand.
Counter Points
Your essay lacks a strong handling of contrasting viewpoints. You mention some opposing views but do not effectively integrate or refute them.
Bad Sentence(s)
Moreover if government will make more transports it will give almost the same result as huge amount of cars.
Corrected Sentence:
While increasing public transport options might seem beneficial, it could lead to similar congestion issues as private cars unless accompanied by broader policy changes.
While increasing public transport options might seem beneficial, it could lead to similar congestion issues as private cars unless accompanied by broader policy changes.
Provide a clear explanation of why increased public transport might not alleviate issues, and consider acknowledging potential benefits.
Suggestions
To effectively address counterarguments, acknowledge the opposing view, provide evidence or reasoning to refute it, and explain why your perspective is more valid.
Task Achievement
5 Bands
Overall, your essay presents a clear position but lacks depth and balance. The argument is based on personal opinions rather than well-supported evidence. Consider providing more comprehensive reasoning and addressing counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
In this part of essay evaluation, the system evaluates how effectively your essay fulfills the given question, focusing on its relevance and comprehensiveness.
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Response to Question
Your response to the question was clear in stating your disagreement with the investment in public transportation. However, the reasoning provided could be more comprehensive and balanced.
Bad Example(s)
But sometimes public transports are not enough and people ride the public transport with discomfort and it seems like government should invest more in these type of transport, but I disagree, because it will give nothing to people, almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious and as we know person with money will not seat in public transports.
The sentence is too long and lacks clarity. It also makes a broad assumption about people's ambitions and choices without supporting evidence.
Development of Position
Your argument is clear, but it lacks depth and fails to address potential counterarguments. The reasoning could be more nuanced.
Bad Example(s)
Moreover if government will make more transports it will give almost the same result as huge amount of cars.
This statement oversimplifies the issue and doesn't consider the potential benefits of improved public transport systems.
Supporting Details
The examples provided are personal and anecdotal, which weakens the argument. More factual or statistical evidence would strengthen your position.
Bad Example(s)
For example my aunt has not a lot of money, but even with that finances she always tries to go with taxi, because she wants to go to her destination with comfort.
This example is too personal and doesn't effectively support the broader argument about public transportation.
Conclusion
Your conclusion reiterates your position but lacks depth and fails to consider alternative perspectives or solutions.
Bad Example(s)
Generally investing in public transport by government will not give us anything good.
The conclusion is too dismissive and doesn't acknowledge any potential benefits or alternative solutions.
Lexical Resources
5.5 Bands
Your essay uses basic vocabulary and lacks variety in lexical resources. There are some repetitive phrases and a few incorrect usages. Expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
In this part of essay evaluation, the AI browses through 1,70,000+ words to analyze the diversity, suitability, and precision, reflecting high linguistic competence.
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Errors & Improvements
Based on the essay question, We have curated a list of suggested vocabulary that can improve the versatility of your writing skill. Utilise these words in your next essay to get your desired bands.
Lexical Mistakes
| Mistake | Correction | Reason |
|---|---|---|
| seat in public transports | sit in public transport | The correct verb is 'sit' when referring to taking a seat. |
| make more transports | increase the number of public transport vehicles | The phrase 'make more transports' is vague and incorrect. It should specify increasing vehicles. |
| it will have almost the same affect | it will have almost the same effect | The correct noun form is 'effect' not 'affect'. |
Repeated Words
| Repeated Words | Alternative Words |
|---|---|
transport 10 times | vehicles, transit, transportation system |
Vocabulary Suggestions
| Word Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| infrastructure The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society or enterprise. | The basic physical and organizational structures needed for the operation of a society or enterprise. |
| sustainable Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level, especially without causing environmental damage. | Able to be maintained at a certain rate or level, especially without causing environmental damage. |
| congestion The state of being overcrowded, especially with traffic or people. | The state of being overcrowded, especially with traffic or people. |
| emissions The production and discharge of something, especially gas or radiation. | The production and discharge of something, especially gas or radiation. |
Grammatical Range
5.5 Bands
Your grammar needs improvement, particularly in sentence structure and punctuation. Many sentences are run-ons and lack necessary commas, which affects readability. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice. Focus on breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and ensure correct usage of singular and plural forms.
In this part of essay evaluation, the ML algorithms evaluate sentence structure, scrutinizing for grammatical precision and diversity — crucial for advanced language skills.
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Sentence Structures
Your sentences generally lack variety and complexity. They tend to be straightforward and repetitive, which can make your argument less engaging. Try to incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance the flow and clarity of your essay.
Bad Example(s)
Moreover if government will make more transports it will give almost the same result as huge amount of cars.
This sentence is a run-on and lacks proper punctuation. It could be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction for clarity.
Tense Usage
Your tense usage is mostly consistent, but there are instances where it could be improved for clarity and correctness.
Bad Example(s)
While living in Almaty city I understood that buses not as good as everyone think,everyday see these big, long machines still staying in traffic, despite that buses have their own line on the road - it is not a good show.
The tense shifts awkwardly in this sentence. 'Think' should be 'thinks' to match 'everyone', and 'see' should be 'saw' to maintain past tense consistency.
Grammatical Errors
Everyday in every single country people use buses,metros, etc.
Correction:
Every day in every single country, people use buses, metros, etc.
Every day in every single country, people use buses, metros, etc.
'Everyday' should be 'Every day' as an adverbial phrase, and a comma is needed after 'country' for clarity.
But sometimes public transports are not enough and people ride the public transport with discomfort and it seems like government should invest more in these type of transport, but I disagree, because it will give nothing to people, almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious and as we know person with money will not seat in public transports.
Correction:
However, sometimes public transport is not enough, and people ride with discomfort. It seems like the government should invest more in these types of transport, but I disagree because it will give nothing to people. Almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious, and as we know, a person with money will not sit in public transport.
However, sometimes public transport is not enough, and people ride with discomfort. It seems like the government should invest more in these types of transport, but I disagree because it will give nothing to people. Almost everyone wants to be rich and ambitious, and as we know, a person with money will not sit in public transport.
This sentence is too long and complex without proper punctuation. It needs to be broken into smaller sentences for clarity and correctness. 'Transports' should be 'transport' as it is uncountable, 'these type' should be 'these types', and 'seat' should be 'sit'.